MFMFF

I participated in my first MFMFF fivesome this weekend with Ume, Gene, Master, and Lupa. It was originally supposed to be a foursome, but we picked up Lupa on the way. :D

It was a lot of fun, even though it was mostly "one guy on this bed, one guy on this bed, ladies switch up occasionally." I suppose that's what'll happen when you have one straight guy and one mostly-straight guy. I kind of wish I had a little more time to fuck Ume, but Master called the safeword and requested we change partners. At first I was worried that I'd somehow done something wrong - had I broken a rule without realizing it? had I done something to trigger jealousy? - but he says he enjoyed the experience, so I suppose I shouldn't fret about it. He's always taken safewords much less... hmmm... seriously? than me. As in, I tend to think (whether rightly or wrongly) that safewords should only be used for "WHOA BACK THE FUCK UP" situations, while he uses them more as in, "time out, I'm breaking character for a sec," such as if I just cracked a joke that made him giggle in a very un-domly matter.

We all agreed that it'd be fun to do again sometime. I hope that winds up happening.

Although I think I'd like to take a more toppy (or at least switchy/combative) role with Ume next time we're together. While I didn't have a problem being subby towards him, it definitely wasn't the same as submitting to Master. Then again, it's likely no one else can replicate the way Master makes me feel.

I'm starting to think that I'm more a straight-up switch, and there's just something about Master that brings out the uber-sub in me.

Differentiation

Master and Tapeti came to visit for V-Day! It was super-exciting; I got the most play I've had in a good long time, and we got to try new things too.

First Master blindfolded me, and I had to guess whether he or Tapeti was using the crop on me. I guessed right. :) Then Tapeti and I switched places, and she was able to guess correctly, too. In the final game, Master was blindfolded, and he had to taste both our pussies and guess which was with.

Someone - I can't remember who - suggested tying Master's hands so he couldn't grab us, which might clue him in (Tapeti and I have rather different body types). I sort of ran with the idea and came up with a rather clever (if I may say so) way to tie Master's arms spread-eagle on the bed.

I've come to realize I really like the aesthetic of a man with his arms spread-eagle like that. I think it's because it shows off his chest and shoulders, which are the parts I like most and find the most masculine, yet he is simultaneously very vulnerable. I like the juxtaposition, the tension, of two normally exclusive traits.

Even after Master guessed correctly (despite our best efforts to stay silent, he could distinguish us by the sounds we made), we didn't untie/unblindfold him right away. Instead we teased him, went down on him, etc. It was funny how hungry he was - lunging up when he thought we were in kissing distance, straining against the ropes, and so on. I made a point of staying out of his reach; I got a mischievous pleasure out of it, knowing that normally I wouldn't be allowed to get away with it. And when we finally loosed him! It was amazing.

I think that, while I'm not really big on domming, I do enjoy topping, in a bratty, teasing kind of way.

Lapse

Goodness, it's been a while since I posted here. Shame on me!

I acquired a set of nipple clamps on my most recent trip to visit Master. I haven't tried them yet - we didn't get the opportunity to before I left. I'm tempted to take them out and try them on, perhaps take a few pics and send them to Master and Tapeti, but it just feels weird to do kinky stuff to myself. It's like tickling oneself; it just doesn't work.

Logically, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense - I mean, I have no issues whatsoever with having sex by myself. Hell, I go stir-crazy without it! Yet even though I go similarly stir-crazy when deprived of kink, I can't do the kink equivalent of masturbation. It just does nothing for me. Woe!

Anyway, back to the visit with Master. He did a great predicament bondage - he ran a line of clothespins down either side of my tits and tied the line off at my collar, so if I thrashed my head around too much while he was smacking me (which I am wont to do), I'd accidentally unzip myself. That was genius. However, he accidentally hit my pussy while flogging me (I was in a position where it was pretty exposed), and that really hurt. :( Pussy torture is not something I like. It definitely crosses into "OH GOD SOMETHING IS SERIOUSLY WRONG" hurting.

I get to see both Master and Tapeti in just a few weeks. Joy!

New experiences

I went to my first play party last night; neither Master nor Tapeti could make it, so I went unaccompanied.

It was actually a lot of fun. Everyone was very friendly and welcoming. And I got spanked and paddled. And I got nipple clamped for the first time, which was awesome. ^_^ And there was lots of food!

Trying to snap out of sub-space was weird, though. After the scene I kept wanting to go "sub sub sub sub sub!" to the person who topped me, but I didn't want to commit any social faux pas either. What is the post-scene etiquette, I wonder?

The right crowd

I went to a kink demo for the first time earlier this week. It was at a goth club in my home city, and I was shockingly un-anxious about the entire thing. Whenever I've considered the possibility of meeting with actual members of "the community" outside of my immediate circle of friends, I get nervous and antsy and psych myself out before I even do it.

When I actually did go, however, I felt completely at ease. This was probably because I was there with several of my friends already, so I wasn't "alone." The drinks I imbibed also probably helped. But I think the biggest thing is that "the community" isn't actually scary. I mean, no scarier than me and my friends - 'cause we're actually already part of the community anyway! You'd think I would have figured this out before, but apparently not.

Anyway, on to the actual demo. The suspension guy was awesome; his knotwork was incredible, and he exuded such competence that I would totally have him hang me upside-down. It made me want to try more suspension; Master and I have never really done much other than tying my arms to a water pipe to slightly take the weight off my feet - nothing much at all. We were constrained by a lack of resources as much as a lack of experience. But one day I'd like to try a full-body suspension like what the guy at the club demonstrated. It looked so comfortable! Considering how much I love swings and hammocks and high places, I imagine I'd love it.

There were two dommes there who did more standard kinky stuff - impact play, wax play, cuffs and spreader bars, clamps, and the occasional judicious application of a vibrator (outside the panties, natch). I've never seen such proficient use of a flogger before; watching them and listening to the SMACK! that resounded with each strike made me weak in the knees. Lupa had to hold me up! (And then she proceeded to NOT HELP AT ALL by whispering about all the nasty mean things she wanted to do to me in my ear.)

Tapeti got her birthday spankings, and her bottom was a beautiful kaleidoscope of colors by the time they were done. The poor dear - I made her jump each time I unconsciously patted her bottom. >:3

Alas, I wasn't able to be on the receiving end of either the dommes or the suspension guy. Maybe next time I'll get the chance. 'Cause I'm definitely going there again; I haven't had that much fun at a bar or a club since... probably ever!

Maestro

A while ago - before I went to visit Master - I had a very interesting experience with Lupa and a guy I'll call Finnian. He's a friend of ours, two years younger than Lupa and me, and he has a bit of a romantic history with Lupa, though the two have never been together officially.

Anyway, since the beginning of this year I've caught myself eying Finnian like a cat eying a plump squirrel. He's a good friend, he's funny, and he's attractive to boot - and I've been rather hungry now that Master's gone. But I know that Lupa still likes him (kind of; she's got mixed feelings) and he still likes her (probably), so I haven't done much more than watch him and chatter my teeth with anticipation.

However, there is one thing that Finnian and I both love to do, and that's torment Lupa. One night, Lupa was miserable from studying for a particularly vicious test, so Finnian and I took it upon ourselves to distract her. Our teasing and biting and licking escalated pretty quickly, but because we were in the living room we couldn't progress beyond a certain point without fear of it getting very awkward should a roommate happen to come in. But it was pretty obvious we all wanted to go further.

Master has been telling me I need to be more assertive. And Lupa and I had been joking for weeks about doing a "Twin Cougar Strike" on Finnian (a play on the name of an attack power in Dungeons & Dragons (yeah, we're super nerds)). This, I realized, was the perfect opportunity.

"Do you wanna go upstairs?" I whispered in Lupa's ear. After much incomprehensible flailing, Lupa nodded, so I helped her to her feet (her legs were already a little wobbly at this point). Then I turned to Finnian. "[Lupa] and I are going upstairs to have randy lesbian sex," I said, sounding much calmer than I felt. "You're welcome to come, if you'd like."

"Sure," Finnian said after a pause. "Might learn a thing or two."

So yeah. It was funny, because while I definitely participated, it felt a lot like I was orchestrating Lupa and Finnian's actions. Which was just fine - I like being a voyeur - but it was strange. It was much more intellectual, more "heady" than I usually am during sex. Sometimes I'd even be so explicit as to tell Finnian, "Do this," so he'd know precisely what Lupa liked, and a couple times I even manhandled the two into a better position for sexin'.

I don't think I'd call what I did "dominating," though, because I wasn't imposing my will on either of them. I was guiding them, giving them suggestions, that kind of thing. Mostly because both of them are pretty inexperienced compared to me. (And lordy do I feel weird saying that. Me? Experienced?!) Finnian was actually the least experienced of us, which was both fun and frustrating. It was fun because we got to experiment with what he liked, but it was frustrating because even he didn't know what he liked, so he couldn't just tell us. And his technique could use a little improvement, but that can only come with more practice! :)

Since then, I've wanted to be intimate with Finnian again - without Lupa. I'm not sure why I have that particular desire; I think it's a possession/dominance thing. "He's mine, see, I can do what I want with him." Which is petty, to be sure, and besides there's still the fact that there's more chemistry between those two than between him and me. Soooo it's probably not going to happen, but try telling my Id that.

Finally!

Lupa and I visited Master this past weekend, and at last Master and I had an intensive play session. I was stressed out because my car was having troubles and I needed to travel 300+ miles the next day, so I asked Master if he could tie me up and help me relax.

He tied my wrists together and then bound them between my ankles; I felt very much like a trussed chicken (and, according to Master, looked like one, too), which made me feel both very silly and very vulnerable. I was also mildly embarrassed, which I liked; it added an extra shot of adrenaline.

Master spanked me for a bit, then pulled out a wood paddle that he found in one of the college dormitories, of all places. I've always found paddles to be rather intimidating; we don't use them often, and they look a lot more like actual weapons than other implements do, in my opinion. And do they ever sting! I haven't had a proper spanking in too long, so it was tough for me to take what Master dished out, but I think Master could tell, as he wasn't nearly as mean as he could have been.

My hands eventually started to go numb (I was lying on my side and my legs were squishing them), so Master loosed them and had me suck his cock for a while. At some point during all this, Lupa knocked and Master let her in. He wanted to show her what a lovely little pet he had - and she naturally wanted to play, too! So we got her out of her clothes right quick, and Master fucked both of our brains out while we used each other's shoulders and thighs as gags. Om nom nom. Lupa has a nice line of bruises now that I get to poke.

At one point, before Lupa joined in, Master ordered me to describe in detail what I was going to do with his cock. I'm often shy/awkward about dirty talk, which he's been trying to help me get over - but when I get all submissive and kitten-y I tend to get tongue-tied, so for a while all I could do was stammer, "Um, ah, Imma... um..." Master gently grasped my chin, turned my head to the side, and slapped my cheek. It wasn't very hard - the brief sting was nothing compared to what he does to my ass - but it was very... profound. It reinforced Master's dominance just as effectively, if not more so, than even a hard spanking.

"Use your words, Kitten," Master chastised. When I didn't get my act together quickly enough, he slapped me again, and finally my tongue was loosened enough to give a timid, but adequate, description of how I'd taste his cock.

Master had never slapped me before, and I distinctly remember thinking it was a hard limit of mine not too long ago. But I wasn't bothered by it at all; it was unexpected, sure, and I was pushed pretty deep into subspace from it, but not in a bad way. Perhaps I would have been set off if he'd done it harder, but Master didn't use much force at all; I imagine he was trying to go for a psychological effect instead of a physical one.

Interestingly, when he slapped my right cheek I didn't really flinch, but I shied away rather violently when he tried to slap my left cheek. (He just did the right cheek again, instead.) I think it's because I was in a play two years back in which I had to get slapped by another actor, and my right cheek was the one that was slapped. And we practiced that scene a lot - until I wouldn't flinch, since my character didn't know it was coming, even though I did. I had no idea that training was still ingrained in me.

Anyway, in all it was a lovely session. :)

Public Enemies

I saw Public Enemies this weekend, and I have two main reactions to it (relevant to this blog, anyway):

1) I found John Dillinger and Billie Frechette's relationship to be really... problematic at first. The one scene I'm thinking of in particular is when he visits her at her job as a coat checker; he's mad at her for leaving without him the night (or maybe a few nights; can't remember) before, and wants to convince her to come with him.

Now, remember that they've only met once before. But he explicitly says that she's his girl and she's coming with him. She protests of course, saying she's not anyone's girl. Meanwhile, a customer is getting irritated that Billie is arguing with John instead of doing her job and starts making snarky remarks to that effect. John gets annoyed with the customer, beats him upside the head, and grabs Billie's coat, ordering her to come with him.

Okay. She knows that he's a criminal who's killed several people. She just saw him assault a random stranger just because he got annoyed. And now he's ordering her to come with him. Shit, I wouldn't be surprised if she was too scared to protest! Given his actions toward her, it's very reasonable to think he'd hurt or kill her if she didn't do what he said!

But we're supposed to believe that no, no, she truly deeply loves him (and he truly deeply loves her) and they're a match made in heaven. :/

2) After Billie is arrested, she's tortured by one of the police in an attempt to learn where Dillinger is. She's handcuffed to a chair, verbally abused and threatened, slapped, and even hit with (what looks like) a phone book at one point. They leave her chained to the chair for so long that she wets herself, and when Melvin Purvis finally rescues her, she so weak that she can't walk; he has to carry her through the crowd of people to the bathroom so she can clean herself up.

As I watched that scene, her dress soaked as she clung to Purvis's neck, all I could think was, She must be so embarrassed. And I felt my heart beat faster and my body tense up, and I realized that I wanted to feel that embarrassment... kind of.

I imagined the intense conflict running through Billie's mind. On the one hand, I imagined, she was grateful that someone was finally helping her. On the other hand, she was ashamed that she was caught in such a powerless condition - that she even needed help walking down the hall. And then there'd be her pride; she wouldn't want everyone to see her reduced in this way, but there was no way she could avoid having all those people see her.

It's that conflict that I wanted - to know that something needs to be done but one's sense of pride or whatever screams "no."

But if Master and I work with this in future play sessions, we'll have to be really careful. How do we avoid going over the edge into genuine nonconsent? How can we make sure that we both truly enjoy the event, while still capturing that pull of wills, pride against pragmatism, that grabs my guts and makes me gasp?

What activities could we do? Perhaps a role-play of a similar scenario, where Master interrogates me for information. I enjoyed the mild embarrassment and sense of helplessness when we used an enema; that might be worth pursuing. Obviously nothing as extreme as what was depicted in the movies; I don't actually want to be beaten until my face is swollen, and I'm ambivalent about wetting myself. It'll all have to be carefully negotiated before we try anything.

Angry kitty

Thursday night Master and I had an excellent play session. It wasn't terribly fancy - mostly just tying up and spanking - but there were some new twists that I really enjoyed.

First Master had me take off my shirt and underwear, keeping on just my little green punk skirt. Then he bound my arms and legs with thick black rope, winding the rope down my arms and up my calves to keep me from twisting them. He blindfolded me and gave me an incredible spanking, switching between the wooden paddle, his hand, and the riding crop. Master was absolutely merciless, and he definitely pushed my pain tolerance. Then he fingered my bum; I can take two fingers now, though not very far.

After being fingered I realized I needed to pee, and I asked Master if I could go to the bathroom. "You may," he said. "Stand up." I struggled to my feet - still tied and blindfolded - and he slung me over his shoulder and carried me to the toilet. He left so I could pee, and when I was done he came back in. I was having trouble wiping because of how my wrists were tied, and he asked, "Do you need help?"

"Ummm... uh... yes," I admitted in a tiny voice. Master took the tissue from my hand and gently, ever so gently, wiped me clean. Then, just like that, he hoisted me over his shoulder again and carried me back to the bedroom, where he threw me down on the bed.

I think that was the tipping point for me. Needing help going to the bathroom had already made me feel deeply submissive; being bound, blindfolded, and completely disoriented as he tossed me around, depending entirely on his ability to keep me from harm - that sent me flying away into Kitten-land fast. Master lay down on the bed beside me and gave my butt a smack, making me mew. "There's my kitten," he murmured.

He fucked me hard and fast, and something about that night - I'm still not sure what - made me go a little crazy. I was yowling, clawing at the sheets, tearing at my bonds with my teeth. I wanted to rip something apart, to feel the rush that comes with destruction. I think it's called "displaced aggression" - when an animal is harassed by a dominant animal, they direct their frustration at something else (usually someone lower on the pecking order or an inanimate object) because they can't fight back. It was like that, but I wasn't mad at Master or anything. I loved it! I wanted to take all this energy, all this violence that he was pouring into me and direct it somewhere else to show him how fierce of a kitty he can make me.

Afterwards, Master held me as I trembled, stroking my skin and making reassuring noises. I was jumpy; I was on edge. When he touched me, I reflexively nipped at him, biting whatever was closest to my teeth. After this happened a couple times, Master decided he wouldn't have any more of it and grabbed the scruff of my neck, gently but firmly. I coiled, then relaxed under his grip; the energy dissipated, and all I wanted to do was fall into a deep, contented sleep.

The May Rite

Beltaine is fast approaching. Lupa has mentioned a desire to talk about any possible plans, though it's possible she may wish to abstain this year out of respect to her newest love interest. Regardless, Master has talked about going camping and celebrating the "old-fashioned" way - i.e. jumping over a fire and having sex in the woods instead of getting drunk and having sex in the bedroom. No matter how many people are ultimately involved, it should be fun.

Lingerie Party & the Quad

We've had a lingerie party twice a year since winter of my freshman year. What I find most amusing is that they seem to resemble play parties more and more every time. The number of kinky (or even just kink-friendly) people on campus is astonishingly high, especially considering how small a campus it is. Master wanted to make a paddle horse for it (and for us to use afterwards ^_^) , but unfortunately we weren't able to get the tools we needed. Hopefully we can still make one regardless.

Still, he brought several toys along with, like his riding crop and our little flogger and some rope. There was a couch in the kitchen that we could lay people over, and sometimes Master would lend his toys to the other tops at the party, who made good use out of them. One top in particular - he was dressed in a pseudo-gladitorial leather outfit he made himself - wielded the flogger incredibly. The way he moved seemed absolutely effortless, yet with just the smallest movement he made the falls of the flogger just fly. It was incredible. :3

Furby came up for the lingerie party - the first time she's ever been able to visit. We've had sexual encounters in the past, even though she identifies as straight. Not too surprisingly, we had another one at the party... and afterwards. She and I, along with Lupa and Master, played together - though, since Furby's not to interested in kink, there wasn't much actual bondage and such. Mostly just sex.

In the same way a threesome is way different from a twosome, even though you're only adding one person, a foursome is way different from a threesome. Whereas a threesome has a single (albeit constantly shifting) dynamic, a foursome is more like two twosomes that occasionally switch. Or maybe a threesome with a voyeur, if one person is tired. The point is, it's different.

Up to this point, all the women I've been with have been very curvy - a lot more volumptuous than me, as I'm fairly slight. Furby has a similar body type as me, yet it felt very alien to interact with. She felt so delicate; I was afraid I'd break her like a china doll if I bit to hard. But she didn't act delicate at all - nosirree. In fact, Furby holds the distinction of being the first person to give Master a hickey! The way she touched, the way she kissed... it was frantic, furtive, hungry. And yet she was also endearingly awkward.

Lupa had to get up relatively early, but Master, Furby, and I lounged around in bed for a while afterwards. Furby was... a little awkward, but I don't really blame her. It was her first time having sex with more than one person at a time, after all. ;D She had to leave for her college around noon; I called her the day after, and she seemed to be doing well. I'll be checking up on her again in the past few days, just to make sure she isn't all turmoily and such. Such things happen sometimes.

Inductee

There's a freshman on campus whom Master and I are friends with; I'll name her Juniper. She's a very interesting lady; though she's been sexually active for many years, she knows next to nothing about kink (not that there's anything wrong with that). When she first heard me and my kinky friends talking about it, her reactions were generally along the lines of, "That's messed up!" and "Why would you do that?" However, she would also listen attentively to our answers, and ask more - especially when she learned that Spot had been a prodomme over the summer. It was pretty apparent she was interested.

Last night she and I, along with a few others, stayed up late chatting about various things, and one of the things that came up was BDSM. Juniper said, "Yeah, I really should talk to some of you guys about that sometime. Like maybe [Spot] or [Lupa]. I really want to know more." I told her that she could ask me or Master any time, as well.

Ironically, Master and I, having noticed Juniper's interest in kink, had discussed the night before about asking her if she'd like us to introduce her to some aspects of BDSM. It'd be just bondage, paddling, that kind of thing - no sex, like when we're playing with Lupa. I think it'd be fun, and I think she'd enjoy it, though we haven't explicitly broached the subject with her. The only thing that makes me apprehensive is that she has a history of abuse, which she's said colors her reaction to BDSM. It doesn't turn her off completely from kink; she recognizes that abuse and BDSM are completely different, but she still gets that initial aversion.

Though we'd very thoroughly talk over what we would and wouldn't do and all that, I still am a little worried about accidentally triggering her during any playtime we have. I don't want to do that to a friend, even unintentionally. We'll probably have to discuss that when/if we do negotiate a play scene.

Homework leads to a short post

Impromptu spanking/paddling sessions are so much fun.

Being led around the apartment on a leash makes me all nostalgic.

"...Then came home and fucked my sister."

The brother/sister roleplay was hella fun. I was in character as soon as Master opened the door for me, and we didn't break character until we were lying together on the bed going, "....Whew!"

Master and I are both actors and we both play table-top RPGs, so I think we applied a lot of that to our playsession. The only problem is, I'm not the greatest at improv and I didn't spend a whole lot of time thinking about my character beforehand. "Her boyfriend just broke up with her... and she wants to bang her older brother," was about the extent of her characterization. Still, I think I did all right.

I also discovered that seduction is DAMN HARD. I don't really seduce very often (which is partially why Master wanted to do this scenario), and what made it even more difficult was that we both knew it was a farce; I wasn't really seducing Master, since he already wanted to sleep with me, but we both needed to figure out how many of the perfunctory motions I had to go through before he could "cave." It's a delicate balance between "LOLOK" and completely shutting my advances down.

The sex itself was... frantic. It was desperate. It was guilty. It was awesome. Throughout the entire scene the sexual tension was thick in the air, and I was wet even long before the first kiss. Though, as Master remarked afterward, "It was hard to think of something to say other than, 'Oh, Sibling-Pronoun.'" At one point I almost slipped and called him Master, but I stopped myself. :3

However, throughout the entire scene I had the weirdest urge to say something completely off the fucking wall. Like when my "brother" insisted on using a condom, I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "Yeah, we don't want any freaky-deaky inbred babies!" And in the middle of sex it required some real willpower to keep from saying, "Oh man, you fuck just like Daddy!" I have no idea why I wanted to say weird shit like that. I mean, yeah it would have been hilarious, but it would have entirely broken the mood of the scene. Which may have been the reason - I wanted to remind myself (by forcing Master and me to break character) that this wasn't real, that we aren't actually siblings.

Or maybe I've just heard one too many "inbred hillbilly" jokes.

You know, this is going to sound weird, but the sexual tension in the early part of the scene actually reminds me of when Master and I first started dating. (Three years ago! My, how the time flies!) Before we started having sex - before we even kissed - Master would invite me over to his room for "platonic sleepovers." We would both be fully clothed and wouldn't do anything else besides caress each other's arms, backs, and bellies, but holy crap would my panties be soaked by morning. I wanted to have sex with him so badly, and I knew that I probably could if I just asked. But I also knew I shouldn't because I was a virgin and he was the handsomest boy at school and we weren't in a serious relationship and blah blah blah. It was bad. It was naughty.

But God-damn if it wasn't hot.

(As an aside, does anyone have any recommendations for a good beginner's anal plug? I can take one finger easily now, but the jump in width between one and two is proving a little difficult; I think something more tapered (like a plug) would be helpful.)

Things I have learned

Master and I didn't do the brother/sister roleplay the other night (that's tonight) but instead a nice, physical scene with some moderate bondage and other fun things. Anyway, Master introduced a few new things which I immensely enjoyed.

He tied my legs at the ankles with thick rope and then hoisted them up into the air while I was lying on my back on the bed so, though my body weight was still safely on the ground (well, bed), my legs were dangling in the air. He then tied my wrists and secured them to a rope on the other side of the room, so my arms were stretched out over my head. This was heavier bondage than what we usually do, but I loved it - especially the legs in the air bit, and especially when he started playing with my pussy. I'm not sure what it was, but something about my legs being suspended while that was going on made me feel like I was floating, even though I was lying securely on the bed. I can only imagine what one of those sex slings is like... too bad Master and I are too poor to buy one. *sad kitty* Maybe I could try making one from the instructions given in Screw the Roses...? If I had the time and materials, that is.

I've also discovered that I like the feeling of latex gloves - which is weird, because I generally don't like the feeling of condoms, which are pretty much the same thing. Master put on a latex glove when he fingered my bum, but before he did that he just ran the gloved hand over my body for a while, and it was amaaaazing. The texture undoubtedly has something to do with it, but I think it's also from the connotations: medical procedures, authority figures (vis doctors), evil experiements, that kind of thing. (Also, the condoms the school provides are pretty shitty, which no doubt contributes to my dislike of them.)

Master also wore a surgical mask, which added to the effect. It made him scary by obscuring his face, yet it emphasized his incredibly expressive (and beautiful) eyes - both dehumanizing and humanizing him at the same time. Wheeeee mind trip!

So: it seems I have a thing for suspention and medical fantasies. Who knew?

The only time when things weren't so fun was when Master first started fucking me while my legs were still strung up; he entered me too quickly and it started to hurt; combined with my feet starting to fall asleep from all the blood running out of them, it was too much and I had to call the safeword. After I was let down and given a few moments to collect myself, though, we were able to continue, albeit at a more subdued pace.

Though we often don't have the time or energy to do these kinds of scenes, they're by far my favorite. :3

"I love you like a brother!"

Master and I didn't play on Wednesday because he was too tired, but tonight we are. We are going to play at being brother and sister, which he proposed over winter break after reading my blog post on incest. I'm going to be a younger sister who has just broken up with her boyfriend and turns to her caring older brother for comfort... meheheheh.

We both were very flighty and nervous at first about the prospect, but the more I think about it, the more I'm just plain old excited. We'll see how it goes.

Anal

Master has decided that I'm to undergo anal training. Currently, though I enjoy anal play a lot, I can only take one finger - maybe two. We're going to slowly work my way up until I can actually take in his cock. (Off-topic: lol dickbutt)

Training, of course, involves practice, which I have to do on my own. So I got a bit o' lube and tried it myself for the first time the other day. It was... interesting. I didn't know the inside of my butt was so soft - like a smaller, less-lubricated vagina, kind of.

Then, last night we got to play for the first time. I think it's because we're "out of practice," but I was very sensitive. I couldn't take as much of a beating as I wanted. :( Stupid butt! Anyway, Master played with my bum more, and it felt really nice. Well, that's a bit of an understatement. I still can only take one finger, but it's getting easier for Master to put it in, and I can handle it for a longer period of time. I wonder how long it'll take for me to progress to two, three, and so on...? This is the first really long-term "project" we've undertaken, so I'm curious to see how it plays out.

On roleplaying and owning cats

Master and I finally played again last night; he'd asked me to choose some old clothes that I didn't want to keep, and he would then rip them off me (after they'd been primed with a few well-placed snips) during a rape scene.

It's funny - yes, part of my love for roleplaying of that sort comes from the visceral thrill that rape invokes (oh, how I do love exploring the darker aspects of human psychology and society), but a good part of it is simply my love for acting. It's fun to pretend to be someone else; it's a mental exercise, a game. So when he holds the knife to my throat, even while I'm thinking, "Ohmygod is he gonna kill me?" I'm also thinking, "What could I do to make this more dramatic (that won't get one of us hurt)?" It's an interesting dualism; neither thought process detracts from the other. Yay cognitive dissonance?

Part that made me lol but not really: At one point I accidentally slipped out a, "Yes!" And Master heard it, and commented on it. ("Oh, you like it, huh?") I was like, Crap! I'm supposed to not like it! Uhh... fuck, I'll just run with it! Afterwards, Master commented, "I wasn't sure if your character liked it at the end or not."

"I wasn't sure either." Heheh.

Another tidbit of post-scene conversation: Master said to me, "You know, you don't have to be afraid to say I'm yours."

"Eh? How do you mean?"

"I mean sometimes I notice you seem... reluctant to say that I'm yours. You don't need to be."

I nodded; I knew what he meant. Up to that point, I'd made a conscious point of subverting any tendencies I had to claim some sort of ownership over him. I didn't want to make him feel like I wasn't actually submitting to him - something that had been a point of issue earlier in our relationship. When I explained this all to him, Master said, "Well, you may own a cat, but the cat also owns you."

~*~

I know the sterotype of cats is that they're independent to a fault, but that's not at all true. My ten-year-old cat is a farm cat at heart. She was born under a porch, and long ago we gave up on trying to keep her from adventuring outdoors. Yes, she's independent, but she's also formed an intensely strong relationship with me. My father recently told me that the day I left for school, she began to wander the hallways and cry incessantly. She sleeps next to me every night when I'm home. Though she doesn't hesitate to bite me when I cross some arbitrary boundary of hers, she never bites hard enough to actually harm me; just enough to get her point across.

I like to imagine that her relationship towards me is similar to mine and Master's. I love Master with everything that I am; I feel more keenly for him when he's gone, and when we're near I like to go "exploring," though I always return; Master punishes me when I'm out of line - and, conversely, I can rebuke him when he violates my personal set of rules - but that rarely comes up because our needs and wants are closely aligned most of the time; Master tends to dote on me; I'm so eager to please him that I'm sure it's at times exhasperating. :)

I'm sure many people would be perturbed that I just compared the most loving, committed relationship I've ever been in with my cat. But I can think of a lot worse things for my love life to be like.

Making time

Master and I don't really play the same way we did last year. We don't have the "smoke and mirrors" as much as we used to, even though we have more bona-fide implements of dastardly fun (like the crop and the flogger). What I mean by "smoke and mirrors" is that we don't have the candles, the elaborate bondage, stuff like that as much. We tend more just towards straight up D/s and less on the BD and SM.

I think - and Master agrees - it's mostly because we've both been very busy this semester, and it's harder to play together when we don't live in the same building. And we both think we'd like to have more playtime.

So! Wednesday nights are going to be our bondage nights. Not tonight, though, since we'll be busy with the play that we're in this weekend, and not next Wednesday since we'll be on Thanksgiving Break. BUT! The Wednesday after that! It should be fun.

So about that...

I suppose I should get around to talking about my playtime with Master and Lupa.

It actually happened rather suddenly. I was over at Master's apartment and he suddenly asked, "Do you want to ask [Lupa] if she wants to stay over?"

I blinked as I processed what he was saying. "Okay!" I called her on my phone; once she picked up, I said, "Saay... I'm staying over at [Master's] tonight, and we were wondering if you'd like to come over... and perhaps stay over."

"Oh reeaaaallly?" Lupa replied.

"No pressure; you don't have to."

"Do you guys have an alarm? I have to get up early tomorrow."

"Yeah, we can set an alarm for you."

"Okay! I'll be right over."

As Master and I waited for Lupa to arrive, he asked me what I wanted to do this time around. I said I liked the game "Who's On Top" last time we played, so it'd be cool to do that again. The element of chance was thrilling. When Lupa came over, we played video games and talked and hung out until bedtime. At that point, Master took us into the bedroom and said, "Now [Lupa], do you remember the game we played last time? 'Who's On Top?' Tonight were going to play a slightly different game called... [Lupa's] On Bottom."

Lupa and I giggled excitedly. After much caressing and kissing and so on, we tied Lupa's hands behind her back and pushed her down onto the bed. Then we started playing with her ass - spanking, fondling, and eventually cropping and flogging, too. Master and I switched off; one would beat her ass while the other would kiss and caress her top half. Lupa tends to wear several layers, and that night was no exception; we would peel away one layer, spank/flog/etc her ass some more, than slowly remove the next layer, and continue the process untill we'd reached bare skin. Her cheeks were a beautiful cherry red - it was fascinating! I couldn't stop touching and caressing and fondling her ass.

It was a bit strange because throughout it all I didn't feel particularly dominant. I felt... playful. Like when I play-wrestle or have a poke-war with a friend of mine; I'm being forceful, yes, and physical, but only because I like to tease my friend and get a reaction from them, not because I want to assert power or control. So, yes, I was topping, but I wasn't domming. I still felt distinctly submissive to Master the entire time; I looked to him for direction.

Anyway, eventually we all got naked and moved on to the sexin'. I got to use my strap-on for the first time. ^_^ It was pretty awkward at first, since I'd never used one before, but the entire scene was very low-key and low-pressure, so we just fumbled along and giggled at any mistakes. As long as we enjoyed ourselves, yeah?

Using the strap-on was... interesting. I mean, it definitely felt great. The pressure on my pubic bone was amazing, and at one point Master started going down on Lupa while I was inside her, and I could feel the vibrations up my toy - incredible! I could even feel her pulse. But, on the other hand, I had no kinesthetic awareness with the toy. I couldn't feel if I was inside Lupa or not; I couldn't feel if I was too deep or not deep enough or anything (easily remidied by Lupa telling me, but still). I also wasn't at all used to the whole thrusting thing. But I got the hang of it quickly enough.

At the end of it all, as we all lay together, I said, "I love you both!"

Master said, "I love you both, too."

And Lupa chimed in, "I love you both too!"

:)