Thursday, April 28, 2011

Good news, everyone!

Well, I'm excited! My good friend Ume and his fiancee, Gene*, have been open for a while. They approached Master and me a while back about a possible hook-up, but we were just starting our relationship with Tapeti at the time, so we said "not right now." Then Master and I were talking about it, and we decided to bring it back up with them. And they said yes! Yaaaaay. :D

We still need to hash out the specifics of what/where/when. We don't want to do a straight-up swap; that feels kind of weird. However, I am intrigued by watching a couple have sex and have sex at the same time. The idea of hearing them beside me, of seeing them moving together while I can feel Master moving in me, is incredibly hot.

Also, OMG! Two penises! I've never been able to play with two at the same time before, so that will be fun. I don't think Master and Ume are interested in playing directly with each other, which makes the yaoi fangirl in me shed a single tear, but I still think it'll be fun.

I'm not sure how much Gene will want to play with me; she's mostly straight, AFAIK, which means I might not be able to eat her pussy. Sad day. But I know she's fine with makin' out with ladies, so that's something, at least!

I am so excite.

*Pseudonyms, obviously.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

...But not TOO out there.

I recently read an interview with Lady Gaga (I wouldn't call myself a "little monster," but I do think she does some cool stuff), and something in particular struck me as I was reading it. When the author presses Gaga about her recent subdermal body mods in her face and shoulders, and whether it might inspire her fans to get similar body mods, she says, "It's artistic expression.... It's a performance-art piece. I have never, ever encouraged my fans or anyone to harm themselves, nor do I romanticize masochism.... [M]y fans know me. They would never hurt themselves. And if they have hurt themselves, they come to me and say, 'Gaga, I want to stop, and your music helps me want to stop. Your music makes me want to love myself.' I am in no way promoting sadomasochism or masochism."

...Wait, what?

There's a drastic conflation of three disparate things here: BDSM, body modification, and self harm. The first is about consensual kink, which can manifest in countless ways; the second is about aesthetically altering one's appearance for myriad reasons; the third is about intentionally injuring oneself as a coping mechanism or as a symptom of mental illness. I'm sure there's some amount of overlap in these three populations - some people with tattoos self harm, some kinksters enjoy body mods - but I shouldn't have to point out that these are far from synonymous.

As a self-appointed figurehead/ambassador/idol for all the "monsters" of the world - all the "weirdos" and "freaks" and their myriad subcultures - I would expect Gaga to be aware of this. It's irresponsible of her not to; why would I want to be represented by someone who doesn't even understand me?

Unless she doesn't actually want to reach out to me and my kind at all; maybe, for all her messages of inclusiveness and accepting yourself as you are, there was an implicit "except for you people."

Wouldn't be the first time that's happened.


Saturday, April 16, 2011

All eyes turn north

If you're at all involved in polyamory, you've probably heard about the court case in Canada that challenges its long-held anti-polygamy law on the grounds that it is unconstitutionally broad. They just finished with closing arguments, so perhaps we'll hear a ruling soon.

I think the case made against this law is pretty good. The harmful behavior that it's purportedly trying to prevent - child marriage, abuse, etc. - are already criminalized, so this law is redundant. Similarly, it makes no distinction between an egalitarian polyamorous relationship and an abusive patriarchal one. I'm sure this was intentional; I imagine the law, despite what is claimed now, was designed to prohibit non-monogamy for the sake of being non-monogamy.

It's easy to say non-monogamy is inherently bad when you're using non-secular morality. Can't really argue with, "God says so." However, the only basis for secular morality is the prevention of harm to self and others. And when you genuinely and vigorously apply secular morality to a lot of our laws governing personal behavior, as Canada seems to be doing a much better job of than the U.S., those laws start to fall apart.

I'm currently too cynical to expect the U.S. to develop a true separation of church and state; I don't think it ever existed, thanks to certain segments of the population who are convinced that a Christian theocracy is the only way to... um... actually, I'm not sure what they're trying to do. Win at life, maybe? Anyway, I think it'll be a long time before we are able to critically examine our laws with a truly secular mindset. But who knows. Apparently a slight majority of U.S. citizens support gay marriage now; something I wasn't expecting for a while. And I didn't expect us to elect a non-white president until I was middle-aged at least (though that seemed to be a "one step forward; one hundred steps back" situation). So maybe I can allow myself to be a little optimistic about this.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

It works out

Offbeat Home featured a fun post about how to appropriate the Iron Gym for other kinds of exercise. Master has one of these nifty fellers, and that immediately got me thinking.

-I wouldn't trust this as a swing; it's not meant to be permanent, and it's not meant to, um, swing on.

-I think this could work as a spreader bar, too. Maybe stick one's head through the middle part for a pseudo-yoke thing?

-However, I think having it in the doorway, and then having one's wrists tied to it, would be the best use. Now that neither of us are living in a place with exposed pipework in the ceiling, it's not as easy for Master to string me up, and I miss the sensation. While it didn't involve actual suspension, often times I would feel like I was dangling - like when I wanted to fall over from whatever he was doing, but was forced to remain at least partially erect.

Once Master gets his own place (he's in the process of moving), we'll have to try it out. Or I could get my own Iron Gym - they're quite useful for non-sexual reasons too, I've discovered. :)

Monday, April 4, 2011


There are some songs I like that, whether because of the music video or the lyrics or je ne sais quoi, really trigger the kinky side(s) of me when I hear them. While I don't generally have a "soundtrack" or background music of any sort when I scene (or if I do, it's not chosen specifically to get me in the "kinky" mood), I do enjoy the subby or dommy feelings that these songs elicit when I'm in the car, or at work, or anywhere that I happen to hear them. It's a way to indulge my kinkiness anywhere I please without getting arrested! :D

First, let's get the obvious one out of the way: Rihanna's "S&M"

Yeah, I know this one's almost too easy. I haven't really looked at how the kink community responded to this song, so I don't know what kind of critiques it's faced. (Though I'd be interested to read them, if anyone would be so kind as to point me in the right direction.) I imagine the most obvious is the usual "appropriating kink just for shock value/sales," but for some reason I feel this isn't the case (as much as it usually is, anyway).

This video discards most of the kink stereotypes - there isn't a black leather catsuit to be seen! - and has several kinks featured that are generally ignored outside the scene, like mummification in plastic wrap. And that's why I like this video. It feels more like how I actually experience kink much of the time - bright and fun and chaotic and goofy. None of that gloomy dungeons-and-leather stuff. (Not that there's anything wrong with that! I'm just usually not in the mood for it.)

It also hits on several specific kinks of mine: shibari, mummification, petplay, flogging, and being put on display. (Not sure if that counts as exhibitionism? It has a different feel to it than what I associate with the term.)

Also, I'd be topped by Rihanna. Any day.

Next up: Katy Perry's "E.T."

There's a lot to criticize about Katy Perry - I am incredibly ambivalent and uncomfortable about her (in?)famous "I Kissed A Girl" for reasons that deserve their own post - but this song and video only make me go, "OMG YES YES WANT."

This one's interesting because it throws my fetishes at odds with each other, kind of, but in a neat way. I'm very turned on by the idea of abduction by an alien creature, so when I see Katy Perry's alien (OMG THOSE EYES *SWOONS*) I want to be dominated by it/her. Yet it's the alien who's singing about being dominated. (by a human?) So I simultaneously empathize with the alien and am objectifying it.

The mixture of both death and life imagery, and tying both in with sexual ecstasy, is also very appealing to me because, on those occasions where I'm not in the mood for happy-bubbly-funtimes kink, I feel kink is a way to explore existential issues. Pain is also pleasure; life is also death. (Le petit mort, anyone?) These contradictory concepts are part of what makes kink appealing.

Also, human-animal hybrids! YUM!

Next: Lady GaGa's "Teeth"

This one also arouses contradictory feelings in me, in that it appeals to both my dommy and my subby side. On the one hand, GaGa sings about "[loving] you with my hands tied," says "my religion is you," and entreats the listener to "take a bite of my bad girl meat," and "show me your fangs," which suggests she's bottoming to an aggressive creature - something I empathize with, of course.

On the other hand, she commands, "Open your mouth, boy," and reassures him, "Don't be scared; I've done this before." Indeed, the oft-repeated imperative, "Show me your teeth," is pretty dommy - think of how vulnerable we all are when we're lying in the dentist's chair! It invokes the image of GaGa (or me >:3) leering over a helpless man* strapped to a chair, one hand forcing his mouth open for inspection, like a horse at a market.

I'm a little hesitant to post this last one, but for the sake of being honest: Kanye West's "Monster" (TRIGGER WARNING: Graphic depictions of violence against women.)

I first saw this video on Feministing in a post taking him to task for the shockingly violent imagery he has in this video. I think the poster has a good point that the narrative of white women are victims/black women are animals (and black men love to rape/kill white women) is incredibly problematic and not nearly as "edgy" or "avant-garde" as I'm sure Kanye was hoping to be.

And yet... I love werewolves. I love seeing "masculine" werewolf traits expressed in women, especially, and I'm fascinated by the monstrous in general. Plus the dualism of Nikki Minaj's scene, where she torments herself, really plays with my switchiness (Do I empathize with the top or bottom? Is she top or bottom? Both!) - and those fangs! *fans self* And the scene where Kanye is being grabbed by the dozens of hands, and you can tell that he's enjoying it even as they nearly overpower him... mm-mmm.

What songs or music videos appeal to your kinky side?

*Interestingly, my dommy fantasies are almost exclusively about dominating men, while I fantasize about subbing to men and women about equally; to make it more complicated, in practice I've almost never topped a man - only women.