Wednesday, August 31, 2011


Lady Gaga attended the MTV Awards as her male alter-ego, Jo Calderone. Naturally, this caused quite a stir among the media, which immediately began digging up all the tidbits on the performance (for it was a performance, make no mistake) that they could. Some of the resulting coverage was obviously put out by people not familiar with drag ("OMG! SHE WORE A FAKE PENIS!!!" Uh... it's called packing.) while some of it was pretty interesting.

For example, apparently Jo used the men's restroom. If it's true (I take all celebrity gossip rags with a mountain of salt), it's a neat commentary on how silly gender-segregated bathrooms are in general.

I also found it amusing that she went in drag for her award in the Best Female Video category. I'm positive that was entirely intentional. After all, what is "female", anyway?

I noticed that a lot of the responses to Jo were that the character was "exhausting" and "annoying." The accent certainly was grating after a bit (And the slouching! Stand up, man!), but overall I found the performance entertaining. It hit on the major theme of Gaga's schtick - the idea that she is constantly performing. And I was intrigued that Jo hinted that was not a good thing. (But what is the alternative? We are always performing for someone, even if it is just ourselves.) I also liked that he highlighted the ultra-femininity of Gaga's usual persona, as opposed to, well, him. Some times it seemed like the (probably mostly, if not entirely) cis male backup dancers were dancing more femininely than Jo was. They certainly did more pirouettes, which actually made sense considering they weren't holding microphones.

I'll be interested to see if Jo appears more often in the future. Admittedly, I haven't been keeping up with all things Gaga because her latest album was rather meh, IMO. But I'm sure that the media will get all aflutter again the next time Jo shows up, so I'm bound to hear about it.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Stay sharp

I'm trying to decide if the infrequency of the kink scenes I can participate in is a good thing or a bad thing.

On the one hand, I'm more sensitive, which means it doesn't take as much to get the same subjective effect.

On the other hand, I can't take as much abuse! It wounds my pride. I also worry that Master gets frustrated if he can't do all the mean things he used to.

So what could I do to keep myself "in practice," as it were? I don't usually go for self-inflicted sadism, but maybe it's worth a shot.

Friday, August 19, 2011


This is what happens when Master decides to fuck me while I'm updating my blog, and forces me to type what I'm thinking while he does it. He gave me a few prompts on the subject matter. Such as what we'd do if we were with Ume and Gene, and what I liked about being with Furby. And then he made me post it because I'm a bad sub who didn't update her blog on time!


Being in a long-distance relationship is tough. I don't think that's news to anyone. It's difficult in a lot of ways:

1) Lack of physical intimacy. No matter what kind of relationship you have - open or closed,;aljkm d bfddddddddddddf;dsflfdsdsfdfsfdsdsfhyfggrf ficn;lka;lksi can'tjoaiw; dsid don't know what tgo tyopeow owow owowoowowowowowowo it feels goootooooi i love ;oyou mastere ikjdkits so deep i can't i don't know what to type it feels good i f ffnon me=y back dkkdkdkdkdkd ofn py back i yses herkdi don' fuck me on my back with you on top please an dhold my face down i'd have them pull nout athe sofaebed and put the air mattress next to it and then jiddid and hand then d we'd jfbli i wnant to watfch you fuk gene i want youj jaj;lralkiouji wnant to watch you fuck her FROM BEHIND!!!!!!!!!!!! nand then i'd have you fuck me as i s;uckeds off ume and athtthaht;se gene would play with you r neuts dk and dkty and then dk and then i would suck you off while gene sat on your face and you would taste her sweet pussy

i like being spanked when I'm bent over the bed with my arms stretched out in front of me and tied down maybe my legs tied down toooooo and then i can't see what master is going to hit me with next

i liked it when i got to taste her pussy because it tasted so sweet and so good and i liked filming you fuck her andtasting her while you fuck me . watching you two vie for control was also fun to watch and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and i liked it when i was tied to the headboar

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Death by Snu-Snu!

Recently I've found myself entranced with the idea of Amazonian women. I think I know what triggered it; I got hooked on the excellent webcomic Drowtales, where Drow women are the dominant gender and typically portrayed as larger and stronger than Drow men, and I also have been reading the excellent comic series Secret Six by Gail Simone, which features Knockout (technically an alien) and several literal Amazons, including the most famous example, Wonder Woman.

As is the case with almost any superhero that's been around for seventy (!!!) years, Wonder Woman's been portrayed in many different ways over the years, and I find myself drawn to a specific version of her: 6+ feet tall (officially she's supposed to be 5'11", but more recent artists have drawn her at about the same height as Superman, who's 6'3"), clearly muscular, and in many ways more of a warrior than either Bats or Supes - namely, in that she is willing to kill if necessary. Her access to magical items, and her resistance to magic, arguably make her even more powerful than Superman; she's probably the only person who could kill him in a straight-up fight (and has come close to doing so)!

I'm not sure if I want to be one of these Amazons or if I want to be with one. I think it's a little of both; the idea of being in the mere presence of such a powerful and commanding person gives me the chills, and at the same time I like to imagine what it would be like to wield that kind of strength and martial prowess. I guess that's the switch in me, wanting to at once dominate and be dominated - for in any of my daydreams and fantasies involving an Amazon, she is never the one being dominated. Amazons, by their very nature, cannot be dominated by anyone (except maybe another Amazon).

Thanks to DnD, I can express my desires to an extent; I recently created a female paladin of St. Cuthbert who's 6'1" and expresses a lot of the traits I associate with the Amazon character: quiet competence, protectiveness (particularly towards other women), and devotion to noble ideals that she tries to temper with pragmatism (though she doesn't always succeed, and sometimes gets too zealous). In fact, right now all the female PCs in this DnD campaign are tanks and heavy hitters, while all the male PCs are squishy rogues and spellcasters! I'm having a lot of fun with it. :)

Another feature of Amazon stories that I like is the exploration of matriarchal societies. Drowtales in particular does a good job of imagining what a militant matriarchal society would be like, though occasionally I can't help but think, "That attitude makes sense only if the character were raised in a patriarchy! Which s/he wasn't!" Maybe this is just a hint that I should try my hand at writing my own.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Square peg, round hole?

Master and I have reached a meeting of the minds, as it were, with our old friends Ume and Gene, and now we swing together* whenever our schedules allow.

We have a planned rendez-vous later this month, and last night I chatted with Ume about what we'd like to do the next time we meet. Eventually he brought up that, though this month's meeting would be too soon for comfort, sometime in the future he'd be interested in perhaps trying pegging.

I've considered whether I'd like to try pegging before, and I must say that I find the idea a little weird, though not so much that I'm unwilling to try it. However, I'm trying to determine what the source of my disinterest is.

Part of it is that I'm not confident in my ability to avoid hurting Ume - it's the same reason I'm hesitant to anally penetrate anyone, male or female. However, there does seem to be something to woman-on-man penetration that I find mildly off-putting in a way that man-on-man, woman-on-woman, and man-on-woman penetration are not. This makes me think that my discomfort is a result of socialization.

This doesn't quite make sense to me, even though that's where the evidence points; after all, I enjoy fem dom/male sub as much as any other permutation of genders and power dynamics. And even then, penetration doesn't always equate with domination anyway - so why does the specific scenario of a woman penetrating a man cause this reaction?

My frustration with the irrationality of the whole thing makes me more keen on trying it at least once, to see if I can overcome the socialization that I believe is affecting me. However, I think this does raise a larger question: how do we find the balance between owning our sexual preferences and working to undo sexist/racist/whatever conditioning? For example, while it's okay to find, say, Asian women attractive, it's not okay to fetishize them as "exotic" or anything like that. How do we discern what is a genuine and/or benign preference and what is a problematic mindset? (And that doesn't even get into the post-structuralist idea that there is no such thing as "genuine" sexual attraction or gender expression. (Yes, I've been reading Judith Butler lately, how did you guess?))

In any case, as I said, pegging is something I'm willing to try. Maybe once I'm actually performing the act I'll find out it's actually awesome; maybe I'll grow to love it, like I did with spanking. Or maybe I'll just be "meh," but at least I can say I tried it. There are very few sexual practices that I'm willing to dismiss offhand.

*I get the impression that "swinging" as a concept has something of a sour flavor for the poly community in general, but that really is the best way to describe what we do, I think. However, I'll save that for another post.