Thursday, November 1, 2012

On Squirting

I can squirt when I orgasm, sometimes.

It's a pretty infrequent occurrence, and I used to think that it was more-or-less random, but I've discovered that there is a semi-reliable way to make me squirt: play with my clit while forcing me to keep a cock in my mouth, e.g. by holding the back of my head or my hair. The last few times Master has done that to me, I've squirted, and I'm fairly certain the one or two times I squirted with a different partner were under similar conditions.

I'm not sure why that particular situation causes me to squirt. It's not a breathplay thing, as I can breathe just fine with a cock in my mouth. My instinct when I'm getting close to orgasm is to flail around, be very vocal, etc, so maybe it's something about being restrained by the head? I think it might force me to "focus" more because I can't "dispel" my energy via flailing and such. So it's like a buildup of more and more energy, and I can't release it the way I normally do, so I squirt. Almost as if it were condensing, hahaha.

I'd be very interested to do some experiments and figure out which particular variables cause the squirting. For example, maybe restrain me but leave my mouth free, and see if I can squirt that way. And maybe try with a ball gag or something similar, see if it's the mouth specifically that triggers it.


Monday, August 13, 2012

Blowing off the dust

I haven't posted for a while, for no real reason other than I haven't felt like it. I'm in a comfortable place w/r/t my kinkiness and my feminism, so I haven't needed to hash that out here; I'm still in an LDR (well, multiple LDRs), so I don't get a lot of play-time to recount; things have, overall, been quiet.

One change that has occurred over the months, though, is that I no longer identify as a sub; I identify as a switch now. I still submit to Master, of course, but I now dom Ume more than vice-versa. So it feels wrong to call myself just a sub.

I think I just wasn't confident enough in myself to "take control" as a dom before. Women are supposed to be submissive, so it was easy for me to adopt that role. But now I've been sexually active for almost six years, and kinky for just a little bit less time, so now I feel competent enough to dom. But subbing is still a lot of fun, so there's no way I'm going to stop doing that!

I should probably rename this blog, though, to more accurately reflect my new identity. Any ideas are welcome.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012


I regularly make friendly bets with Ume, and I won our most recent one. (It was on what percentage of votes Ron Paul would get in the Wisconsin primary.) Our wager this time was that the loser must writer an erotica for the winner, with the winner picking the scenario.

Well, I won. So I had to pick a scenario that I'd find sexy.

I'm still on a Skyrim kick (and still a furry), so I wanted something with a Khajiit. But I didn't have a particular preference for a male vs. female Khajiit. I realized I'm turned on both by the idea of being held by fur-covered arms and having those fur-covered arms. But either way, I wanted the Khajiit to be the dominant individual. They are predators, and it is exciting to be either the hunter or the hunted.

When determining what kind of story to write, Ume asked me an interesting question: how intelligent did I want the Khajiit character to be? More animal-like, human-like, or superior to humans? I decided I wanted the Khajiit to be at least as intelligent as a human, but with strong instincts to hunt and pursue. It's that marriage - that fusion - of human cunning and animal desire that I find so entrancing and so arousing. It makes them even more dangerous.

I also didn't really want any explicit BDSM themes in the story. No dungeon setting, no crops/floggers, no chains. Those are a very tactile, physical appeal to me; just thinking about them doesn't do it. I have to be actually experiencing them. However, the mind games involved in bending someone to your will - or, conversely, in getting your will slowly get broken and overpowered by a good dom - is something that does turn me on just by thinking about it.

I'm interested to see what Ume comes up with. He decided he wanted to give the story a more modern setting, so it won't be purely a Skyrim fanfic. I'm also getting the urge to try writing my own erotica. I've tried before, but I've never been able to finish a story; either I feel too incredibly awkward to write out the sex scene, or I get so turned on by it that I start fapping furiously, and then I forget.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


I recently got my hair cut. Whereas before it was about chin-length, it's now in a pixie cut - no more than a couple inches.

Whereas I wear the same types of clothing that I did before - relatively androgynous cargo-shorts-and-tee-shirt getup - I seem to draw stares and attention that I didn't when my hair was longer. I think it's because my old hair length was enough to put me in the "acceptably feminine" category. Now I've strayed "too far" into butch territory; I'm suddenly, visibly queer.

It's an interesting reminder of how much gender and sexuality is still policed in our society; while I haven't actually been accosted, I can feel the stares of people - particularly men - on me when I go about my business. I don't think they know what to make of me. And, being the rebellious person that I am, it makes me want to push those gender boundaries even more. I'll give you something to stare at, I think.

I feel a little more at home in queer spaces, too. Less like an impostor; more like I belong there. I get knowing smiles from other visibly queer women when I pass them. Too bad I still don't know how to approach ladies. >.<

It's interesting how such a small, superficial thing can have such a large social impact.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Shibari wish list

Master and I bought (one of?) Midori's books on shibari for Valentine's day, and I've been looking around to see what kind of knots I'd like to try the next time we're together.

The first one I like is this one. The repetitive pattern of the knots up her arms is really cool, and I'm intrigued by the hint that her arms are tied both to her chest harness and to her thighs. Seems like an interesting predicament! Also, Wonder Woman. Hot.

The second one I'd like to try is this one, though it's probably beyond Master's and my ken. It just looks so... relaxing. Like a hammock or a porch swing.

Finally, I'm really intrigued by this one. Though it looks really simple, it also looks like it'd feel really nice; your arms are braced against this wooden pole, your legs bound, no sight, a gag keeping you from speaking... mmmm. That particular leg position might make it more difficult for Master to fuck me, but he could still torment my pussy with his hands or with toys. :3 And if one simply removes the gag, one has easy access to a blowjob!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

What what, in the butt

I fucked someone in the ass for the first time over the weekend. It was pretty cool.

It was Furby, my old friend and a regular partner of Master's now that she's in the same city as him. She looooves ass play (in fact, I think she's the one who first told me that hey, girls can like it too), so when she was with Master and me we decided to double-stuff her because I'd brought my little ass dildo along.

At first I was pretty scared, because my own ass is very tender and I have to be very careful with anything going up there (though I usually love it once it is). But I made sure to use plenty of lube (and a condom, natch), and she was having a grand old time, and soon I was too. I've watched her get fucked in the ass before, and the noises she makes when she comes from it are unmatched. I mean, goddamn that woman has a set of pipes.

Once I got over the initial fear of hurting her, it really wasn't that different from using a strap-on for PIV stuff. I can't really feel anything, but there is a psychological thrill to eliciting such strong reactions from someone. I always worry that I'm tiring too quickly because my muscles aren't used to moving that way during sex, but afterwards Master always comments on how hard I was going to town on whomever I was with, so I guess it's not really a problem.

I think the one thing I didn't like about it was the smell. Which I know is kind of inevitable with buttsex, but it's still unpleasant when it occurs.

Master asked me afterwards if I wanted to peg Ume, because Ume had expressed passing curiosity in it in the past. I'm honestly not sure. I can see myself doing it for his sake, as a sort of fun experiment, but I have to admit that the thought of it doesn't actually turn me on. It's kind of a sure, why not thing. It doesn't help that Ume is so much taller than me, so I have a harder time imagining the logistics of it.

Frustratingly enough, I still can't take Master in my ass - not even one of his fingers. Even though I can take my ass dildos, which are bigger than his fingers; it's one of my new favorite ways to masturbate, in fact. I'm not sure what the problem is; maybe Master isn't using enough lube? I think he's trying to do the in-and-out motion too quickly, because when I masturbate I slowly get the whole dildo in before doing any in-and-out. (And even then, I usually don't do very much.) And dildos don't have body heat! I think that has something to do with it too. Also performance anxiety.

Sigh. If we were able to be together more often I think I'd be able to manage it.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Plans plans plans

I have big plans for Valentine's day (kind of).

On the actual V-day I'm going to give myself some self-loving. Take a long bath, meticulously groom myself, and pleasure myself silly. Maybe play some Skyrim while drinking wine. :)

On Wednesday I'm dropping my kitties off at the cat-sitter and driving to see Master, and I should arrive by mid-afternoon. He'll still be at work at that point, but I'll go downtown myself and buy a sexy nurse outfit per his request at my favorite sex shop in his city (which is much better-stocked than the one in mine). We'll meet downtown after he gets off of work and have dinner at a nice restaurant there - maybe a sushi place. Then we'll go back to his place and I can "care" for him in my new outfit.

On Thursday I'll have a lazy day - he still has work, so I'll probably sleep in. Maybe I'll hang out with one of my metamours, if she's not working that day, but otherwise I'll knit and play with Master's bunny. (Not a euphemism - he has an ADORABLE pet rabbit.) I'll be wearing nothing but my collar when Master gets home from work. :3

On Friday I'll sleep in and be lazy again while he works, and in the evening we're having a mini-party. Ume and Gene are arriving that night (IIRC), so we get to see them! Yay! There will be much socializing and having fun.

On Saturday we'll all go out for a meal together and get ready for the masquerade ball that night. Then is the ball, which will be much fun and enjoyment, and when we get home I imagine we'll have an awesome orgy.

On Sunday we might orgy a bit more, but regardless we'll have breakfast together; maybe get something from Dunkin' Donunts. Then I'll go home and pick up my kitties. :)

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Alter Egos

Yikes, I hadn't realized I'd neglected this blog for quite so long. Well, no need to dwell on it - I doubt more than a handful of people noticed anyway - so on to the subject at hand.

In my experience, having "kinky alter egos" is a pretty common thing. For example, when we're sceneing my boyfriend becomes Master and I become kitten. Many of my other partners have names for their alter egos as well, at least the dominant ones. (For a long time I was almost exclusively submissive, so their own subbiness didn't get much practice with me.)

But I've noticed an interesting difference between me and a few of my partners in terms of how we relate to our kinky sides. They refer to their alter egos in the third person, almost as if they are separate people. "Lupa is very mad at you," my friend will growl sweetly, hinting at what will come later that evening. Even more interestingly, Ume's alter ego Jack comes up in places other than the bedroom; he says that he finds Jack useful when playing poker and he must find the right balance of being a cutthroat risk-taker and a prudent observer of people's behavior. Jack is certainly a useful persona; he's earned his rent check (and then some) many times that way.

I didn't think much of this until recently, when playing with Lupa and Ume. I recently worked up the courage to express my Domme side around Ume, to the great delight of us both. (Domming a man who's significantly bigger than me has been a fantasy of mine for a little while.) While Lupa and I had fun tormenting him, he suddenly asked, "Do you have a name you want me to call you?"

I paused. "You know, I haven't actually thought of that," I admitted.

"Is what I've been calling you so far okay?" he asked, having been calling me Mistress up until that point.

"Oh yes!" I said, and we continued with our fun. It certainly made me feel in charge, and I don't call Master anything other than Master, so Mistress was sufficient for me.

Later, Lupa asked Ume if it'd be possible to "talk out" Jack. I was curious; though he'd taken a dominant role in our playsessions before, I had never noticed a distinct persona, like I do when Master is Master. So we started bantering, references to gambling and luck being prominent in our innuendo. As Ume explained the difference between himself and Jack, I could see the shift in his body language and in his speech patterns as he began to settle into Jack's mindset. However, I was still in a Dommy mood myself, and I couldn't bring myself to be properly "afraid," even though I could see that hungry gleam in his eye. Instead, I kept teasing him - being a real brat. "So," Ume finally asked me, "how are you going to make good on our bet?"

"Well," I said with a grin as I lounged on the bed, "I guess you can just tell me what to do, and I'll fulfill your request to the best of my ability."

He looked me up and down once, again with that predatory gleam. "Good," he said. He pinned me down to the bed and kissed me - and I immediately could tell that this was Jack. Whereas normally Ume's kisses are incredibly gentle - I'd even call them tentative - this kiss was forceful, hungry, and confident. He knew what he wanted, and he knew he could take it. And, like flipping a switch (HA HA I MADE A FUNNY) I was suddenly in full-on submissive mode.

This was the first session where I've switched from Domme to sub like that (and where my partner has done the same), so I think that's why it got me thinking about alter egos. I certainly have different behaviors, speech patterns, etc. when I'm kitten (instead of everyday me), but I don't really think of "kitten" as separate from "me." But then again, "I" would be fucking pissed off if someone called me a slut or a cocksucker, where as "kitten" loves it. Would it be helpful for me to think of my submissive (and my dominant) personality as separate personas? Or would that lead to unhealthy compartmentalization? I don't know. I'll have to think about it more.