Friday, January 30, 2009

"...Then came home and fucked my sister."

The brother/sister roleplay was hella fun. I was in character as soon as Master opened the door for me, and we didn't break character until we were lying together on the bed going, "....Whew!"

Master and I are both actors and we both play table-top RPGs, so I think we applied a lot of that to our playsession. The only problem is, I'm not the greatest at improv and I didn't spend a whole lot of time thinking about my character beforehand. "Her boyfriend just broke up with her... and she wants to bang her older brother," was about the extent of her characterization. Still, I think I did all right.

I also discovered that seduction is DAMN HARD. I don't really seduce very often (which is partially why Master wanted to do this scenario), and what made it even more difficult was that we both knew it was a farce; I wasn't really seducing Master, since he already wanted to sleep with me, but we both needed to figure out how many of the perfunctory motions I had to go through before he could "cave." It's a delicate balance between "LOLOK" and completely shutting my advances down.

The sex itself was... frantic. It was desperate. It was guilty. It was awesome. Throughout the entire scene the sexual tension was thick in the air, and I was wet even long before the first kiss. Though, as Master remarked afterward, "It was hard to think of something to say other than, 'Oh, Sibling-Pronoun.'" At one point I almost slipped and called him Master, but I stopped myself. :3

However, throughout the entire scene I had the weirdest urge to say something completely off the fucking wall. Like when my "brother" insisted on using a condom, I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying, "Yeah, we don't want any freaky-deaky inbred babies!" And in the middle of sex it required some real willpower to keep from saying, "Oh man, you fuck just like Daddy!" I have no idea why I wanted to say weird shit like that. I mean, yeah it would have been hilarious, but it would have entirely broken the mood of the scene. Which may have been the reason - I wanted to remind myself (by forcing Master and me to break character) that this wasn't real, that we aren't actually siblings.

Or maybe I've just heard one too many "inbred hillbilly" jokes.

You know, this is going to sound weird, but the sexual tension in the early part of the scene actually reminds me of when Master and I first started dating. (Three years ago! My, how the time flies!) Before we started having sex - before we even kissed - Master would invite me over to his room for "platonic sleepovers." We would both be fully clothed and wouldn't do anything else besides caress each other's arms, backs, and bellies, but holy crap would my panties be soaked by morning. I wanted to have sex with him so badly, and I knew that I probably could if I just asked. But I also knew I shouldn't because I was a virgin and he was the handsomest boy at school and we weren't in a serious relationship and blah blah blah. It was bad. It was naughty.

But God-damn if it wasn't hot.

(As an aside, does anyone have any recommendations for a good beginner's anal plug? I can take one finger easily now, but the jump in width between one and two is proving a little difficult; I think something more tapered (like a plug) would be helpful.)

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Things I have learned

Master and I didn't do the brother/sister roleplay the other night (that's tonight) but instead a nice, physical scene with some moderate bondage and other fun things. Anyway, Master introduced a few new things which I immensely enjoyed.

He tied my legs at the ankles with thick rope and then hoisted them up into the air while I was lying on my back on the bed so, though my body weight was still safely on the ground (well, bed), my legs were dangling in the air. He then tied my wrists and secured them to a rope on the other side of the room, so my arms were stretched out over my head. This was heavier bondage than what we usually do, but I loved it - especially the legs in the air bit, and especially when he started playing with my pussy. I'm not sure what it was, but something about my legs being suspended while that was going on made me feel like I was floating, even though I was lying securely on the bed. I can only imagine what one of those sex slings is like... too bad Master and I are too poor to buy one. *sad kitty* Maybe I could try making one from the instructions given in Screw the Roses...? If I had the time and materials, that is.

I've also discovered that I like the feeling of latex gloves - which is weird, because I generally don't like the feeling of condoms, which are pretty much the same thing. Master put on a latex glove when he fingered my bum, but before he did that he just ran the gloved hand over my body for a while, and it was amaaaazing. The texture undoubtedly has something to do with it, but I think it's also from the connotations: medical procedures, authority figures (vis doctors), evil experiements, that kind of thing. (Also, the condoms the school provides are pretty shitty, which no doubt contributes to my dislike of them.)

Master also wore a surgical mask, which added to the effect. It made him scary by obscuring his face, yet it emphasized his incredibly expressive (and beautiful) eyes - both dehumanizing and humanizing him at the same time. Wheeeee mind trip!

So: it seems I have a thing for suspention and medical fantasies. Who knew?

The only time when things weren't so fun was when Master first started fucking me while my legs were still strung up; he entered me too quickly and it started to hurt; combined with my feet starting to fall asleep from all the blood running out of them, it was too much and I had to call the safeword. After I was let down and given a few moments to collect myself, though, we were able to continue, albeit at a more subdued pace.

Though we often don't have the time or energy to do these kinds of scenes, they're by far my favorite. :3

Sunday, January 25, 2009

"I love you like a brother!"

Master and I didn't play on Wednesday because he was too tired, but tonight we are. We are going to play at being brother and sister, which he proposed over winter break after reading my blog post on incest. I'm going to be a younger sister who has just broken up with her boyfriend and turns to her caring older brother for comfort... meheheheh.

We both were very flighty and nervous at first about the prospect, but the more I think about it, the more I'm just plain old excited. We'll see how it goes.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Saturday, January 17, 2009

I, Object! or: Why it's okay to use sexy people in advertising

Every once in a while, one of the larger feminist blogs I read will have a "post pictures of hot guys!" post, and many women proceed to drool over all the hot guys in the post. However, inevitably someone will say, "Hey, you guys are using a double standard! You go on about objectifying women, but you're objectifying these men right now!" Sometimes this person is an MRA troll, but other times they're a truly concerned feminist. Hand-wringing and soul-searching commences as all the well-meaning feminists on the site wonder if they're being bad feminists for admiring some well-sculpted muscles.

I think the problem is that most feminists have, in their concern over the widespread sexism that advertising and other media perpetrates, failed to realize one crucial thing: it's not the objectification of women that's the problem, it's the objectification of only (or mostly) women that's the problem.

The very nature of photography, especially advertisements, leads to the inevitable objectification of the subject being photographed. When I take a picture of someone, it's impossible for that picture to portray the entirety of that person's complex, multi-layered, infinitely beautiful existence. It can only show how that person looked for one moment in time - it reduces that person to only their image; it inherently objectifies them.

Though objectification is inevitable, it's not always bad.* This may stem from my kinkiness, but I actually like being objectified sometimes. (Indeed, one of my fantasies is to literally be reduced to a piece of furniture (or, more specifically a sushi platter).) I'm actually flattered when someone checks me out at a party or in a bar or whatever - it reaffirms my belief that I'm a reasonably attractive person. Obviously, there are lines that, once crossed, I'm one unhappy lady. If someone starts leering instead of just looking, or making grody comments at me, that's not cool. But there's no harm in just a look once in a while - and god knows I do it often enough to men and women alike.

Now, the problem in advertising isn't that that people are objectified (and paid well for it), but that women are disproportionally objectified. The problem is that when people say "sex sells," they really mean "women's bodies sell" because that's the default image used to convey "sexiness." Having sex=women's bodies is, obviously, problematic because it ingrains the idea in people's minds that women's bodies are primarily there for sexual gratification.

The solution to this isn't to ban nudity in advertising or anything like that; the solution is to have sexy men appear in advertising just as much as sexy women do. That way "sexiness" becomes gender-neutral in the public psyche - and, what's more, it would acknowledge that women like to see pictures of semi-naked men. It'd also acknowledge the existence of gay men, and possibly even make the stereotypical heterosexual man a little less homophobic when he comes to the realization he can look at the picture of a hot man without turning gay. Obviously, there's still some advertising that's unexcusibly sexist, but I think we shouldn't immediately scream "sexism!" every time a hot woman appears in a commercial. Instead, we should demand an equally hot guy to appear in the next one.

*Unless someone is being objectified against their will, e.g. someone is staring at their butt/chest/crotch/whatever and making them uncomfortable. That quickly falls into the realm of harrassment and is definitely Not Cool.

Thursday, January 15, 2009


Master has decided that I'm to undergo anal training. Currently, though I enjoy anal play a lot, I can only take one finger - maybe two. We're going to slowly work my way up until I can actually take in his cock. (Off-topic: lol dickbutt)

Training, of course, involves practice, which I have to do on my own. So I got a bit o' lube and tried it myself for the first time the other day. It was... interesting. I didn't know the inside of my butt was so soft - like a smaller, less-lubricated vagina, kind of.

Then, last night we got to play for the first time. I think it's because we're "out of practice," but I was very sensitive. I couldn't take as much of a beating as I wanted. :( Stupid butt! Anyway, Master played with my bum more, and it felt really nice. Well, that's a bit of an understatement. I still can only take one finger, but it's getting easier for Master to put it in, and I can handle it for a longer period of time. I wonder how long it'll take for me to progress to two, three, and so on...? This is the first really long-term "project" we've undertaken, so I'm curious to see how it plays out.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

On roleplaying and owning cats

Master and I finally played again last night; he'd asked me to choose some old clothes that I didn't want to keep, and he would then rip them off me (after they'd been primed with a few well-placed snips) during a rape scene.

It's funny - yes, part of my love for roleplaying of that sort comes from the visceral thrill that rape invokes (oh, how I do love exploring the darker aspects of human psychology and society), but a good part of it is simply my love for acting. It's fun to pretend to be someone else; it's a mental exercise, a game. So when he holds the knife to my throat, even while I'm thinking, "Ohmygod is he gonna kill me?" I'm also thinking, "What could I do to make this more dramatic (that won't get one of us hurt)?" It's an interesting dualism; neither thought process detracts from the other. Yay cognitive dissonance?

Part that made me lol but not really: At one point I accidentally slipped out a, "Yes!" And Master heard it, and commented on it. ("Oh, you like it, huh?") I was like, Crap! I'm supposed to not like it! Uhh... fuck, I'll just run with it! Afterwards, Master commented, "I wasn't sure if your character liked it at the end or not."

"I wasn't sure either." Heheh.

Another tidbit of post-scene conversation: Master said to me, "You know, you don't have to be afraid to say I'm yours."

"Eh? How do you mean?"

"I mean sometimes I notice you seem... reluctant to say that I'm yours. You don't need to be."

I nodded; I knew what he meant. Up to that point, I'd made a conscious point of subverting any tendencies I had to claim some sort of ownership over him. I didn't want to make him feel like I wasn't actually submitting to him - something that had been a point of issue earlier in our relationship. When I explained this all to him, Master said, "Well, you may own a cat, but the cat also owns you."


I know the sterotype of cats is that they're independent to a fault, but that's not at all true. My ten-year-old cat is a farm cat at heart. She was born under a porch, and long ago we gave up on trying to keep her from adventuring outdoors. Yes, she's independent, but she's also formed an intensely strong relationship with me. My father recently told me that the day I left for school, she began to wander the hallways and cry incessantly. She sleeps next to me every night when I'm home. Though she doesn't hesitate to bite me when I cross some arbitrary boundary of hers, she never bites hard enough to actually harm me; just enough to get her point across.

I like to imagine that her relationship towards me is similar to mine and Master's. I love Master with everything that I am; I feel more keenly for him when he's gone, and when we're near I like to go "exploring," though I always return; Master punishes me when I'm out of line - and, conversely, I can rebuke him when he violates my personal set of rules - but that rarely comes up because our needs and wants are closely aligned most of the time; Master tends to dote on me; I'm so eager to please him that I'm sure it's at times exhasperating. :)

I'm sure many people would be perturbed that I just compared the most loving, committed relationship I've ever been in with my cat. But I can think of a lot worse things for my love life to be like.

Thursday, January 1, 2009


Master's assignment for me before we're back on campus is to go shopping with a friend for a garter belt.

...Where the hell am I gonna find one of those (that doesn't cost a bajillion dollars)?!