Monday, October 26, 2009

For teh lulz

Master is pretending he's married for the purposes of getting a job; it's a lot easier for married men in his line of work, unfortunately. So, if anyone from his work asks, we were handfasted in a hot air balloon over Lake Michigan last summer, but we didn't get an official marriage because of all our gay friends. This isn't the first time we've pretended; while he was interning I was his "fiancee."

I know there's a long and proud history of fake marriages for teh lulz, but I was never one for Facebook romances. Don't ask me why, but for some reason I came to the conclusion long ago that marriage was Serious Fucking Business and you didn't joke around about being married - in fact, don't even say the m-word around your significant other because it means you're a clingy wacko who looks for way too much commitment too fast. So for Master and I to joke about who we got to play at our nonexistent wedding (and for him to say, "OMG! We're getting divorced!" when I admit ignorance about a band he mentioned) is kind of weird for me.

It's also weird that we're discussing marriage seriously too - from what our close friends' engagement means for our relationship to (sometimes heated) discussions about name changes to potential future kids. And even though we both agree we don't want to get married for a long time - we really do want to hold off until same-sex marriage is legal - the fact that discussing it seems like a good idea is... weird. As in I never expected it to happen. It's a good thing, no doubt; I'm glad we're both secure enough in this relationship that we can talk about it. But it still feels almost surreal for me.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Prurient interest

Last night Master had a foursome with three of his friends - two women and a man. He told me about it today, and I was just bursting with questions about it. I especially wanted to know about his interactions with his male friend - who, like Master, identifies as straight AFAIK. How much did they interact? Master says there was an air of competition between the two, and they would not-so-subtly compare techniques. He also said that he tied his friend up. Did he enjoy tying his male friend up? Did they do anything else together? Would he want to do something like that again?

I held back some of my questions because they were more about entertaining my fantasies of group sex with Master and another man (or men) than about helping Master process his feelings of the event. Sometimes I fear I'm a little too enthusiastic when Master shows even the slightest inkling of bisexual thoughts; I certainly don't want to pressure him, and I don't want to put my own fantasies above his comfort.

The only time I started getting some negative feelings was when Master started describing his domination of his friends in more detail. I really miss having him top me, and I felt lonely and envious of his friends that they were on the receiving end of his spankings and not me. I don't think I got enough of a kink fix the last time Master came up to visit; fortunately, he might be visiting again for Halloween, and even if he doesn't it'd be just a few more weeks until I go down to see him. Still, it feels like a long wait. :(

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Updated January 2011

Tapeti, Master and I went over our relationship rules, since some of the ones we used to have are no longer relevant because we've changed as people, or our situations have changed.

  1. Be honest. And be proactive in your honesty - always disclose to the other partners if you share more than a kiss with someone.
  2. No hard drugs - this goes for us three as well as any outside partners. "Hard drugs" include WoW.
  3. Don't mess with virgins.
  4. No one else can act as our Master/kitten/bunny.
  5. No one else can touch my collar/grab my ankles. (This one was actually suggested by me - I get SUPER weirded-out and uncomfortable when someone besides those two touches my collar.)
  6. Always use condoms. Dental dams and latex gloves are not required.
  7. Get tested for STDs at least once a year.
  8. Don't have PIV or PIA sex with people that the other two haven't met.
All in all, a good set of rules, I think.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

"How lifestyle are you?"

The other day Ume sent me a link to a post on Reddit. I don't follow the site, but apparently they do this thing where someone posts "I am [brief, attention-grabbing description]. Ask me anything." And anyone curious can ask them a question about the OP's particular situation. The link he sent me was a woman in a "completely submissive" relationship with her fiancee, and he wanted to know my reaction to the questions and her answers.

My perception was that, for the most part, the questioners were genuinely curious and mostly respectful. There were a few smartass "I want me one of these," and "Make me a sammich," comments, and one or two "OMG ABUSIVE" remarks, but most of the people seemed to come from a position of just wanting to learn about a unique relationship style.

As for the OP, my reaction to her was similar to almost any other submissive woman's description of her relationship that I read; there were some parts that resonated deeply with me, and other parts that squicked me to no end. She spoke of how the strictness of their relationship had loosened over time, and I nodded; she said that her master would physically punish her when she misbehaved - not "punish" for fun, but truly punish her, and I almost threw the computer across the room in horror. But then she eloquently described how she'd do anything her master said, but she trusted him not to make her do anything ridiculous, and that trust was a huge part of the relationship, and I was all nods and appreciative noises again.

Lupa, who's rooming with me this year, saw the post as well, and brought it up while we were lounging in the living room. "So how lifestyle are you and [Master]?" she asked.

I pursed my lips, not sure how to answer the question. "Well... I don't wear this collar for fashion..."

"Yeah I know. I mean - does he make all the decisions for you? That kind of thing."

I shrugged. "Not... really. It's mostly that... sometimes I don't want to make a decision. And then I ask him to make it for me, and I trust him to make the best one."

Though Lupa was satisfied with the answer, I'm not sure if I accurately described our relationship. It's just so hard to feel like it's 24/7 when he's not here (or I'm not there). And most of the D/s in our relationship is just little things: I kneel beside him while he's at his computer and rest my head on his lap; I make the bed before we turn in; he gently grabs the scruff of my neck. Usually my deferral to him is so subconscious that I hardly even notice it; it's like second nature to me.

It might be time for Master and me to go over the "terms" of our D/s again, just to update anything that needs updating and to make sure we're still on the same page. Fortunately he's coming up to visit soon.