Wah. :[

Master and I have gone to our respective homes for the holidays. While I was able to spend a good week with him in his hometown, it's very difficult to have good sex in a three-bedroom house with five to six other people in it. :/

While Master and I were hanging out in his family's pub, House, M.D. was playing on one of the TVs. It was an older episode that I'd somehow missed (I'm a rather rabid fan >.>) in which the patient of the day was a sub/bottom who also had a fetish for breath play* and was in a rather strict 24/7 relationship with a Domme. I didn't quite catch if she was a professional or not (the volume was too low to hear in the bar and the clost captioning was shit), but it seemed like a genuine loving relationship - not just a business arrangement.

Of course, there were good and bad things in this portrayal in the show. On the one hand, Chase was/had been a part of the scene, so he was sympathetic to the patient and his Domme; he guessed the nature of their relationship right away, but didn't want to "out" them and stayed silent (whether he should have as a doctor is another thing), and he stood up for them when Cuddy barred the Domme from the hospital. And the smile on his face when he watched the two reunite was priceless!

That was outweighed by the general disgust of the rest of the cast, though - mostly Foreman and the clinic's laywer, as well as Cuddy. And the patient's family, of course - but they were quite obviously painted as the "villains" in the episode: people so intolerant, so insensitive towards their son that they were almost willing to sit back and let him die. House took them to task quite thoroughly for that; and for his part, House cracked his off-color jokes about leather and so on, but for the most part didn't give a damn about what the patient did in the sack - very House of him, really.

As for the portrayal of the Domme and sub... I'm mixed. Though it was nice to see a D/s relationship that didn't have chains and latex all over the place, and the Domme was obviously very intelligent and cared deeply about her sub, I didn't like how the sub was portrayed as a spineless, sobbing twit without the Domme. I mean, Jesus Christ, I may be a sub, but I have enough self-esteem to make critical medical decisions about myself! For fuck's sake!

I also was perturbed that it was the sub's kink that made him wind up in the hospital. I mean, even though the general tone was vaguely sympathetic, the fact that the sub had to give up his fetish or die gave seemed to give a "he got what was coming" message. But I may be reading to much into it - and I wasn't able to catch all of the episode before they turned to a football game, so maybe I'm missing a critical part that changed the entire meaning of the episode.

*I've noticed that whenever BDSM is featured in the media, it almost always involves erotic asphyxiation - to an extent much further than it seems to feature in the actual community. I wonder what it is about breath play that makes it particularly alluring to TV writers; perhaps the fact that it's so obviously dangerous makes it easier to vilify? After all, you wouldn't want the viewers to get any ideas.

My wants, his wants, our wants

After dinner today, I went to my friends' place to play video games. I'd been there for perhaps half an hour when R's cell phone rang. He answered and spoke briefly with the person on the other line, glancing over at me and saying, "Yeah, she's right here. Here you go."

R handed me the phone, and I took it. "Hello?" I said into the receiver, puzzled.

I heard Master's voice on the other line. "Hey, hon. I hate to call you away, but could you come home?" His voice had a somber tone; perhaps it was something about our work - in any case it couldn't be good. I immediately agreed, hung up, and walked the short distance back to our building. Master's door was locked, as usual, so I knocked softly. After a few seconds he answered, wordlessly pulling me inside and kissing me hungrily.

It was a ruse, I realized as he removed my jacket, then my glasses, then my sweater and bra. With one swift motion, he snapped handcuffs to my wrists behind my back. And an excellent ruse, at that.

We made frantic love on the sofa in the living room, me struggling to keep quiet so no one passing by the door would hear. Then Master slung me over his shoulder and carried me into the bedroom, where I didn't have to worry so much about disturbing the random passerby. Eventually he removed the handcuffs from one of my wrists, so I was free to caress him - or scratch him. Before he climaxed, however, Master suddenly gripped my throat with his hand. It wasn't too hard, as I could still breath unhindered, but it was enough that I could feel the pressure against my larynx and my carotid artery. My lace collar was still on; the textured fabric dug into my skin, adding an element of friction to the sensation.

I hadn't asked him to grab my throat, nor had I ever expressed any interest in that kind of play. Afterwards, when Master asked me if I had liked it, I said, "Kind of." To be honest, I wasn't sure whether I liked it or not. It was an interesting sensation, to be sure, but not as intensely pleasurable as spanking or an ice cube. Nor was it incredibly unpleasant, such as wax play. It was... ambivalent.

"Well, I liked it," Master said.

"Then we'll do it," I replied. "As long as you don't grab too hard."

Sometimes I'm afraid that Master participates in BDSM with me only because I like it so much; that is, he's only interested because I'm interested. I don't want it to be like that. Though I'd be flattered if he'd be willing to do so much for me, I want Master to be interested in BDSM for its own sake, too. I'd like him to have his own kinks instead of just accommodating mine. I'm pretty sure he does; he bought some rope and has been researching shibari/rope bondage a lot, though I haven't asked him to. But even so, it feels to me that when we play, usually it's to indulge my kinks instead of his.

So even though having him pretend to choke me isn't much of a turn on, I'll gladly play along because it's what he wants. I want his turn-ons to be fulfilled as much as mine - beyond the whole "turning you on turns me on" thing.