Fragile

I'm out-of-state for the summer, living with extended family. I only see them once every handful of years, so we're not terribly close. To be very blunt, I don't have any friends here.

It's like I was floating around in a little bubble of isolation - serene, calm, content with the everyday, superficial interaction with people at work, on the train, whatever. At home I had the forced familiarity of roommates, mixed with the forced familiarity of family relation.

Then I met this guy during a Fourth of July festival. We started talking and walked around the main drag after the fireworks before exchanging numbers and going our separate ways. I told Master about it, and he seemed amused more than anything.

But I've been all out of sorts. Having been faced with the possibility of an actual friend - the first one in over a month - I'm all a-fluster. I don't know what to do! I've never made friends outside of an academic context. I don't know how this whole "calling back" thing works. Add to this that I have a boyfriend I should tell the person about, which I also don't know how to do politely/effectively and don't even have the resources of mainstream society to learn from.

But I do really want a friend. My bubble's been popped; I'm no longer insulated against the sting of loneliness. Nggggh.

Well, I know what I won't be watching this summer

The most recent Gerard Butler "romantic" "comedy" is called The Ugly Truth.

At one point in the trailer, while giving advice to Katherine Heigl's character, Butler's character says, "You have to be two people: the librarian and the stripper."

Hmmm....

Librarian: connotations of primness, propriety, "bookishness," intellectualism, prudishness, etc.

Stripper: connotations of sexiness, promiscuity, sexual experience, etc.

So you have to be... both a virgin... and a whore!

WOW! WHY DOES THIS SOUND SO FAMILIAR?!

...

You know, watching the trailer for this movie, I can honestly say I've never seen a mainstream movie that more explicitly moralizes against feminist ideas. I mean, it literally says that men are nothing but sex-hungry, ravenous beasts (wow... who knew that anti-feminism was also so anti-male) and that any career woman who demands such outlandish things as a man who respects her for her intelligence and success should just shut up because that's not gonna happen anytime soon, amirite? And would it kill them to show more cleavage once in a while? GAWD.

Excuse me for a moment. *grabs a case of dynamite and a bus ticket to Hollywood*

Off-the-cuff response to a recent "scientific" study

A local news station did a segment on a study conducted recently on what men and women perceive as "attractive" in the opposite sex. To their credit, they included a wide range of ages for both sexes - I think it was from mid-twenties to late sixties.

Ignoring the heteronormativity of the study for a moment (did they ensure that those surveyed were actually attracted to the opposite sex, or did they just assume it?), there were several things problematic with it.

First, it found that men were attracted to women who are young and "beautiful." As the news anchor said, "duh." But wait a minute - what do they mean by "beautiful"? Are we going by the scientists' standard, or the standard of society at large or what?

This fuzzy terminology is made more problematic because the study claims that men have a narrower perception of attractiveness than women, who were all over the place (cuz who knows what women want, amirite?). But depending on how you're defining "beautiful," you could include a very large or very small portion of the population.

Could it be that hetero men are afforded a wider definition of "beautiful" than women because of their priveleged position in society? A narrow definition of "beautiful" is one more way to control women - you must adhere to this unreasonable standard to be accepted in society, and since few to no women can meet that standard, society is justified in giving them the shaft, etc etc. This is a pretty basic idea in feminism.

Conversely - could it be that, because women are assumed to be "non-visually" stimulated, society has focused less on what women find visually attractive and therefore women have been given more freedom to develop their tastes without societal pressure? Think about it - there's really only one type of woman that's portrayed as "attractive" in mass media: thin, white, young, large-breasted, etc. If that's the only option that men are given, then of course that's what they're going to find attractive; to be attracted to (or admit being attracted to, at least) anything else is to be labeled a deviant, a weirdo, a freak, what have you.

The study concluded that men (the poor dears) would have a harder time finding a "mate" (their word) because there would be higher competition for fewer women.

And yet it seems that hetero and bisexual men across America have no problem falling deeply, passionately, head-over-heels in love with all types of women - large, small, black, white, brown, able-bodied, disabled, you name it. Isn't that something to be considered?

Raging Lesbian!

For some reason I've found it incredibly important recently to let the world know that I love women. Maybe it's a side-effect of talking about Master all the time (which I really can't help; he's almost all I think about). Every time I have a particularly hetero moment (ogling a hot guy; gushing over how awesome Master is; what have you), I have to resist the urge to say, "BTW I LOVE THE PUSSY," or something to that effect.

Unfortunately, the state I'm in right now isn't exactly the most gay-friendly. :( I have no idea where the gay district is! What am I gonna dooooooooo?

Sometimes

Sometimes I'm afraid that I've been too happy.

Sometimes I'm afraid that I don't deserve Master.

Sometimes I'm afraid that I've been ungrateful.

And so sometimes I fear that the universe will take Master away from me.

I fear I'll be left all alone.

I've always felt this song encapsulates how I feel about Master.

Be my friend.
Hold me - wrap me up.
Unfold me;
I am small and needy.
Warm me up
And breathe me.

Robo-love

I found this lovely erotic comic (many parts NSFW, obviously) the other day. It's the right balance of plot and sex, the drawing style is charming, and it's neo-Victorian sci-fi to boot! My fave.

I'm not sure why I enjoy the idea of robot sex or mechanical sex. I suppose a lot of it has to do with being a sci-fi geek (or am I a sci-fi geek because I enjoy robot sex? :o), and with the fantastical nature of it. I mean, how wild is having sex with a robot, amirite?

Looked at from another angle, I like the idea of being hooked up to a sex machine and being completely helpless while forced into the throes of ecstasy. Ties back into my "mad scientist" fantasy, I suppose.

Though the real-life "sex machines" that I've seen available have been kinda "meh" for me. Maybe it's one of those things that's much better in my head than in real life.