Wednesday, July 27, 2011


Recently I had a conversation with Master that went along these lines:

Master: I'm thinking I'm going to cut back on masturbating. Not stop entirely, but try to restrain myself more.

Me: Oh?

Master: Yeah. I want to limit myself to two times a day.

Me: Two times a day?! How often do you usually do it?!

Master: About six times a day.


Master: Yeah, about.

Me: ...Wow. Like, I'm not even upset or anything. I'm just... impressed! Most guys have trouble just getting it up half that number of times! (Or so I hear.)

It's true - I am really impressed. However, it also got me thinking. You see, I haven't really masturbated in... well, months. I used to do it several times a week - sometimes multiple times a day - but for the past several months my desire to jerk off has plummeted.

My sex drive hasn't been affected at all; I still want to fuck Master a good three times a day or so when we're together. But I never get a very strong urge to masturbate anymore; it's nothing more than a vague, "Hmm, wanking might be nice," but the urge is never strong enough to make me do anything about it. I tried wanking last night, but I got distracted by (non-sexually) playing with my lopsided labia (they are quite fun to mess with), and the mood left me.

I'm kind of sad about this. I know that one's sexual desires fluctuate over time and all that, and it's not like I don't want to have sex anymore, but masturbating is fun! I know that it's relaxing, that it helps perk up my mood, and other fun things. I wonder if I should just make a habit of trying to masturbate every day, or something like that, to jump-start my desire again. I've heard that cis women's sex drives are a "use it or lose it" type thing, where the more you are sexual, the more you want to be sexual. Maybe that's my issue. I'll give it a try.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

So that's what they were talking about

I've been pretty lucky since living on my own, as I generally haven't had to deal with the minor terrors that often accompany being a single woman. Not a lot of catcalls, I live in a pretty safe neighborhood, that kind of thing.

But there's a creeper who's been creeping around my apartment building recently, and while he hasn't done anything threatening, his constant presence and his insistence on striking up a conversation is unnerving. He always manages to remind me that I'm a woman, and I'm alone, and therefore I am vulnerable.

I hate it.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Where to turn

For a series of reasons that I won't get in to, a while ago Master vetoed a guy I was seeing. I ended things with the guy, but I'd still like to be friends with him.

Master has a lot more experience maintaining relationships with exes than I do (mine have all tended to drift out of my life altogether), so I thought I'd ask him for advice and reassurance.

But he got mad as soon as I mentioned the guy, and he shut down the conversation. I don't understand; I thought he said I wouldn't have to cut the guy out of my life entirely, but it seems like I will have to if I don't want to either 1) frequently piss Master off or 2) keep one of my friends "in the closet" all the time.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I love Master utterly and completely, and I'm not going to leave him over this. But it still hurts.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011


I participated in my first MFMFF fivesome this weekend with Ume, Gene, Master, and Lupa. It was originally supposed to be a foursome, but we picked up Lupa on the way. :D

It was a lot of fun, even though it was mostly "one guy on this bed, one guy on this bed, ladies switch up occasionally." I suppose that's what'll happen when you have one straight guy and one mostly-straight guy. I kind of wish I had a little more time to fuck Ume, but Master called the safeword and requested we change partners. At first I was worried that I'd somehow done something wrong - had I broken a rule without realizing it? had I done something to trigger jealousy? - but he says he enjoyed the experience, so I suppose I shouldn't fret about it. He's always taken safewords much less... hmmm... seriously? than me. As in, I tend to think (whether rightly or wrongly) that safewords should only be used for "WHOA BACK THE FUCK UP" situations, while he uses them more as in, "time out, I'm breaking character for a sec," such as if I just cracked a joke that made him giggle in a very un-domly matter.

We all agreed that it'd be fun to do again sometime. I hope that winds up happening.

Although I think I'd like to take a more toppy (or at least switchy/combative) role with Ume next time we're together. While I didn't have a problem being subby towards him, it definitely wasn't the same as submitting to Master. Then again, it's likely no one else can replicate the way Master makes me feel.

I'm starting to think that I'm more a straight-up switch, and there's just something about Master that brings out the uber-sub in me.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011


When random strangers are offering spanks with a Bat-signal-shaped riding crop, do NOT say you want to be spanked "very hard" because you don't have any idea what their definition of "very hard" is.

Four days later and I still have a bat-bruise!