Saturday, November 29, 2008

What the FUCK.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I'm watching the Carson Daly Show (first time watching it), and he just played this "game" called "Dude or Not a Dude?"

Basically, this "game" consists of taking mug shots of sex workers and guessing whether they're a ciswoman or a "transvestite" (which in the context he apparently actually meant a transwoman).

That's fucking disgusting on more levels than I can even comprehend.

Firstly, he's ridiculing these people based on their appearance. They're mocked if they don't look "feminine" enough - after all, the last thing any woman would want is to look like a "dude." But I guess it's okay to degrade ugly women, especially if they're sex workers. After all, sex workers aren't real people, amirite?


Secondly, he's got some fucking gall to think he can determine whether someone is male or female. The only person who can determine that is themselves. By calling a transwoman a "dude" just because she doesn't "pass" to his satisfaction, he's denying her identity, her agency - even her very personhood for the sake of a few cheap laughs. Aren't trannies funny? They like to pretend they're real women! Ha ha ha!

Thirdly... jsdfakjl;aldkjdfk. I'm just livid right now. Fucking asshole.

(x-posting to my other blag)

Thursday, November 27, 2008


Hahaha, it's a joke. Get it?

Ahem. Anyway.

Master and I are in our respective states for T-Day break, and in the two days we've been apart I've masturbated twice.

I'm actually kind of weirded out by it. And I'm weirded out by how weirded out I am.

When I was in high school and junior, I masturbated on a fairly regular basis - at least three times a week, sometimes every night. Then I came to college, I became sexually active soon after, and my desire to masturbate just... petered out. However, it didn't stop - sometimes I get the urge to masturbate mere minutes after I've had sex, so it leads me to conclude that my sex drive and my masturbation drive are separate, though highly influenced by one another. That, and I find the act of masturbation to be a turn-on in itself; I don't need to fantasize about sex to get turned on because thinking about masturbating turns me on.

Even when I'm apart from Master for the summer, though, my masturbation drive doesn't really rebound much. Once, maybe twice a week is it - except for when I suddenly get a streak and I'll masturbate three times a day. It's all very erratic.

Which leads me to wonder why I suddenly have the drive now. I know that some women's sex drives are influenced by their menstrual cycle, but I no longer have a menstrual cycle, thanks to my nifty little IUD. Maybe I still have the hormone fluctuations, but not the external signs (i.e. the period). But I don't recall any regular changes in my sex drive even when I did have a period. It was basically random.

It's a little frustrating. I get thirsty when my body doesn't have enough liquid to perform essential cell functions; I get hungry for the same reasons. Sleepiness is a little more puzzling, but we generally understand that we get tired when our body has been running for too long without a chance to regenerate via sleep. But what triggers our levels of horniness? Why do I sometimes crave sex multiple times a day; why do I sometimes go for weeks during the summer without even thinking about touching myself?

I dunno. It's all very strange.

Sunday, November 23, 2008


Ume and I talk about our respective sex lives with relative frequency. It's interesting to compare our similarities and our differences because Ume and his girlfriend are very... well, I don't want to say "egalitarian" because it's not that there isn't any power exchange between them - there is, but it's constantly in flux. They both enjoy sports and gambling, so they make bets and whoever wins gets to "top" (they don't do much more than the light bondage almost every couple engages in) until the next game.

I think that's really cool, and it fits their playful attitudes perfectly. But I don't know if I could do things that way. I like haing a constant in my life - the constant presence of Master's domination oer me. It's not always obvious, but I can feel it, like gravity.

That's not to say that it's constant. We have our own flux, but it's like the scales are balanced differently, so even when we're at "equilibrium" our power exchange still isn't equal - whereas Ume and his girlfriend have an equally balanced scale, but it can tip one way or the other much more easily. Or at least it does in bed; I haven't really asked if they carry this philosophy out of the bedroom. I suppose that's another area of difference between us.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Making time

Master and I don't really play the same way we did last year. We don't have the "smoke and mirrors" as much as we used to, even though we have more bona-fide implements of dastardly fun (like the crop and the flogger). What I mean by "smoke and mirrors" is that we don't have the candles, the elaborate bondage, stuff like that as much. We tend more just towards straight up D/s and less on the BD and SM.

I think - and Master agrees - it's mostly because we've both been very busy this semester, and it's harder to play together when we don't live in the same building. And we both think we'd like to have more playtime.

So! Wednesday nights are going to be our bondage nights. Not tonight, though, since we'll be busy with the play that we're in this weekend, and not next Wednesday since we'll be on Thanksgiving Break. BUT! The Wednesday after that! It should be fun.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Sex work

Master is an avid photographer, and his most recent project involves him contacting people who advertise sexual encounters on Craigslist and photographing them. His most recent subject was a sex worker (I think she calls herself an escort) from the nearest city who goes by the name of Ms. Goodhead. I wish I could have met her - it sounds like she and I have a lot in common. She's also a college student - and an English major! - and we're both into kink, which I'm guessing had something to do with her choice of job.

I would have liked to have asked her about what it's like to work in the sex industry, not because I'm terribly interested in becoming a sex worker (I don't have the self-confidence for that!) but because, despite my support of sex workers' rights, I don't personally know any besides my friend who worked as a prodomme over the summer, and I'm not sure if that even counts because she didn't actually have sex with her clients. And I know that you don't need personal experience with/exposure to an issue to support it, but I also know it damn well helps.

On a related note, I find it interesting that all of my friends whom I've discussed the issue with agree that some sort of legalization/decriminalization of prostitution would be a good idea because it would give sex workers more legal protection. We've only talked about it in passing, so I haven't determined if we disagree on the specifics on how to go about such a thing, but the fact that we all just happen to be of roughly the same mind is intriguing. I'd like to think it's a sign of a shift in societal attitudes, but I'm also aware that we're not exactly representative of the American majority.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Public secret

Not to long ago, Master and I were hanging out with a friend of ours, and we were discussing the most recent lingerie party. At the party, Master had his riding crop and had given me many good whacks with it. "Yeah, he was hittin' ya pretty hard with that crop," our friend said.

"Yup," I said.

"That was... pretty crazy," he said, giving me an expectant look.

"Yup." I had a feeling he wanted me to respond in a certain way, but I wasn't feeling like going along with it.

Later that night, I wondered aloud at our friend's odd behavior. "He was probably waiting for you to confirm what he was thinking," Master said, meaning that I like kink. He raised a question I'm still wondering about - how many people know the nature of our relationship?

We don't try to hide it, but we don't broadcast it, either. I wear my collar all the time, and many times when we're lounging around I'll sit at his feet. I've worn shibari harnesses to two lingerie parties now, too. Well, I know that several of my friends know because they're into kink too and we talk about it together, but as for my vanilla friends, it's a lot more unclear.

I don't really care if they do know. I mean, our school's very laid-back about that kind of thing, my friends especially so - we (well, they) did start the lingerie party on campus, after all. Once I get out of college... well, I don't tell my coworkers about my sex life right now, so I don't forsee any problems. Hopefully I'm not being too optimistic.