Our play is finished, thank God. During the cast party on Sunday night, we played "Never have I ever." You start out with five fingers up, and people take turns saying, "Never have I ever [insert something they've never done]." If you have done the thing stated, you have to put down one finger and take a drink. When you're out of fingers, the others can ask you one question which you must answer truthfully. It was lots of fun!
Well, at one point Master and I got out at the same time. The question I was asked (by M, no less!) was, "What's one thing you've wanted in your relationship but have never asked." Now I can get really shy about my sex life - even the vanilla parts - around my friends, so I started squirming and hemming and hawing and turning beet-red because I could think of something, but I was to embarrassed to say. Master rescued me by saying it was time for us to go, and M followed us because she wanted to talk to us. We stood on the front stoop of our friends' townhouse, and Master turned to me and asked, "What is it that you'd like?"
"I... uh... I..." I chewed on my lip and stared at my feet. "I'd really like... a food dish."
"A what?" I don't think Master heard me because my voice was so quiet.
"A food dish," I said, louder. "You know, a little bowl I could eat out of..." my confidence failed me, and I hid my face.
M grinned and gave me a hug. "Awww, that's so cute!" This did nothing to alleviate my embarrassment.
Master smiled and touched my arm. "I think we can do that," he said. "Why were you so afraid to ask?"
"Because it's embarrassing!"
"Why?"
I didn't know how to respond to him. I've wanted to incorporate pet-play more, I've wanted to be more kitten-like for a while. But to say that I want to be treated like an animal, even a loved and cherished one, out loud? I may already be transgressing societal mores, but they still influence me. I knew that Master wouldn't condemn me or think I'm weird. He knows I like to think of myself as a feline. But admitting it out loud is still something I have trouble with.
1 comment:
That actually happens to me too about things I want as the top, even though I think he'd be fine with them. It's like "dare I actually *verbalize* that I want to be this unfair?"
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