The other night, I told Master I wanted to role-play as my Legend of the Five Rings character, a lesbian ninja, and he would play a Kolat agent "torturing" me for information. He agreed, and when I was done with play rehearsal I ran to his apartment. "Do you want me to change in my room or down here?" I asked him.
"Down here," he told me. Giddily, I dashed up the stairs to my room and gathered my costume together. Mask and kimono in hand, I returned to Master's apartment and opened the door, which was unlocked for me. The entire apartment was dark, and I paused, unsure. Had Master gone to the bathroom? I called out his name hesitantly, but there was no reply. Leaving the door open just a crack, I padded across the room and turned on the light. As the yellow glow flooded the room, I turned towards the doorway to the bedroom just in time to see a man in a black ski mask before he pounced and pinned my arms at my sides.
I recognized Master right away, of course. But I also understood what was going on right away. Master was a sneaky monkey, all right - what better time to surprise me for a rape role-play than when I'm expecting a different rape role-play? Ingenious.
I soon discovered, though, that playing the victim is harder than it looks. For one, I had to pretend I didn't want it. When I stopped struggling to make it easier for Master to gag me, he quipped, "How nice of you to hold still for me." I thought, Oh yeah! and started squirming again. But not too much. I also didn't struggle too much because I didn't want to hurt Master!
At one point he said something - I can't remember what exactly, something a stereotypical rapist would say - and I hissed back, "Fuck you." I got such a thrill from saying that. I didn't mean it; I wasn't really angry or hateful, yet it was an act of defiance all the same. I was saying something I shouldn't, something that even I thought was inappropriate to say. Afterwards, as we lied together and talked about the scene, Master said he had expected me to pull the whole "victim falls in love with her attacker" bit. I didn't. I played the defiant all the way to the end, when finally he was able to get a tiny, "Yes! Oh yes!" out of me. I told him I didn't because it felt too cliched (which he promptly teased me about). This was true, but it was also because it was too much fun trying to fight back!
Even so, though, I don't think it's something I want to do very often. I mean, it's a lot of fun, but it's like skydiving - too intense to do on a regular basis. To use a completely different metaphor, the rape play was like rich, dark, chocolate mousse, while the "normal" sex we have is like fruits and vegetables. One is tasty, but have too much and you'll grow sick of it; the other is vital to staying healthy.