Several things have happened in the last few days. I'll try to give them all justice, but it may take more than one post.
Firstly, I had to use my safeword over the weekend. It was bizarre - Master wasn't even in the same room. He's not even in the same state! But he went past a limit; he told me I should play with someone I'm not interested in.
That's just... no. No, no, no. It's one thing to suggest, one thing to fantasize, but I am not one for playing with someone whom I don't care for deeply. The person he wanted me to play with was a woman I don't even hang out with. When I said I wasn't interested in her, he said, "If I want you to do anything, you will do it. And you will thank me. Is that understood?"
I felt cornered. I felt trapped. My hands were shaking. So I used the safeword, and immediately Master asked me if I was okay. No. No I was not okay. I did not want to play with that woman, and he was scaring me. Master calmed me down; he wasn't going to make me do anything. We talked about it, and in a minute or so I felt better.
I'm not sure when exactly we slipped back into our D/s dynamic after I used the safeword. I'm not even sure if we ever stepped out of our dynamic. I suppose that's just one of the weird things about being in a 24/7 relationship - you don't ever "break character." You just scale the intensity up and down as the situation warrants. And this adapting, this shifting from more-D/s to less-D/s, has begun to happen so naturally and so subtlely that I hardly even notice it taking place anymore. It's just... part of who I am, and part of who we are as a couple.
Honestly, I think it was a good thing that I used the safeword (besides for the obvious reason that it stopped a situation I was uncomfortable with). It really highlighted for me - and perhaps for Master too, though I can't presume to know what his thoughts are - that this is 24/7 for us. There is never a time when Master is not my Master (unless there's explicit rules laid out beforehand), and there's never a time where I can't use the safeword to stop whatever's going on.
3 comments:
That's very odd. Did he know you didn't like this person?
Well, she is a friend of ours, just not a terribly close one. And I have kissed her before - at a lingerie party, where the whole point is to be flirtatious and promiscuous. He wanted to see if I was willing to go beyond that.
Okay, that makes more sense. I read it as "I know you don't like this person but I want to see you together so there" and... yeah, that's D/s, but it strikes me as really BAD D/s unless 1) the dominant person knows the person well and can vouch for the physical risks AND 2) the submissive one wants to be pushed that extremely.
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