Monday, January 7, 2008


This is the first time I've had a blog that's truly anonymous. I have other blogs on other sites under other names, and I made them with the explicit intent of having them read by people who knew me, who knew I was the one writing. I've used blogs for nigh on five years as a way to share my thoughts and experiences with my friends, and never once did I try to hide my identity on them.

So why, then, did I decide to set up an anonymous, separate blog now? I'm not sure. Part of it is a fear of being "outed," though I feel that's hypocritical of me. I'm also pansexual, and I don't hide that part of my identity in my journaling; I even used my primary blog to come out. I never considered hiding my pansexuality from my friends and family, and yet I feel like I must hide my kink from them. There are several who I know wouldn't be bothered by it; there are a few who I'm fairly certain are kinksters themselves! Yet I'm still apprehensive about telling them.

Perhaps one day I will feel more comfortable sharing this part of my life with them, but even then I'll keep this blog as anonymous as possible. Let's face it - kink is even more marginalized/prosecuted in this society than non-heterosexuality. BDSM conventions and practitioners face resistance from city officials and citizens, but having GLBT gatherings is often a source of pride, a mark of how open-minded and progressive a community is. Because of this, I'm much more uncomfortable having acquaintances and coworkers knowing about my kink than my pansexuality.

And besides (at the risk of sounding cynical), I'm currently in a heterosexual relationship. Even if people know that I'm attracted to people with girly-bits (or not-quite-either-bits) too, the fact that I'm with a man gives me legitimacy. I'm still conforming with society's expectations.

I think that perhaps I will direct my kink-friendly friends to this blog, but I'll ask them to refrain from referring me by any name that might link me to my other blogs or real-life acquaintances. I want to share my experiences with them, as well as the random passerby interested in BDSM. As Master said when he encouraged me to start this blog, "If someone is still unsure about how they feel about themselves, maybe your blog will help them." The idea of helping a fellow newcomer to the BDSM lifestyle is more than enough motivation for me.

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