Sunday, October 5, 2008


There's only one other D/s relationship that Master and I know of personally - a gay couple in town. Master says that O is "intrinsically submissive" to E. I haven't watched those two in action very much, so I don't really know what he's talking about. Still, maybe I should talk to O and see what being submissive entails for him.

It goes back to what I posted about before - sometimes I feel more submissive than other times. Indeed, sometimes I feel decidedly un-submissive. The problem with this is that it makes Master feel like he's not doing his "job" right - like he doesn't really matter, because I'll just be submissive when I feel like it.

Which is not good. Obviously.

I think this is more of a "me having a bad personal flaw" thing instead of a "me not being cut out to be a submissive" thing. When I was in a non-D/s relationship in high school, one of my girlfriend's only (but persistent) complaints was that I wasn't putting as much energy into the relationship as she was. The same thing is happening here, I think. I'm not putting as much energy into being a sub as Master is into being a Dom.

Because let's face it - being a sub isn't just about lying back and taking a spanking. It's hard work. It requires constant mental discipline. Which is probably the one thing I lack most.

So. I need to do better from now own. I need to be more diligent; I can't allow myself to get lazy.


queen emily said...

Maybe I am a rubbish sub, but I don't feel like not being submissive all the time is a personal flaw - it just makes you complex. I mean, desire ebbs and flows, even if you have an overwhelming preference for one thing..

Course, my girlfriend and I aren't remotely 24/7, though she is in charge.

Zula said...

Yes, but most of the time I do feel submissive. I don't think the sub/not-sub thing was the problem as much as just not putting enough effort into the relationship, which is totally unrelated to D/s. i.e. I'm was just lazy. I'm working to fix it, though.

queen emily said...

Right, I gotcha.

I think I have a different relationship to being submissive, because with my girlfriend's disability it's not feasible to be playing very often. And while our relationship generally has a D/s vibe, there's times where she needs me to take control in ways that I otherwise wouldn't prefer..