When I read over what I've written here, I often get frustrated. The language seems childish and simplistic, so unlike how I normally perceive myself (and how I hope others perceive me). But when I try to express myself more eloquently - when I try to explain myself and Master and what we have together - in more grown-up terms, I fall flat.
I just don't have the tools for it. The things we do, the nuances of our relationship, the emotions I experience are things I've never put word to before and rarely - if ever - read/hear about elsewhere. Yes, I read other submissives' blogs, but so often their experiences are utterly alien to my own and the words they employ are useless to me. I can't appropriate them any more than a carpenter can appropriate a painter's set.
I don't have the vocabulary. I haven't built it yet. I haven't scrounged the depths of language enough to find new words, haven't spent enough time jerry-rigging new words and phrases out of my existing supplies, and my few first attempts so far have been rickety, ugly contraptions that only do enough to get by for now.
But I'm working on it.
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