Saturday, July 11, 2009

King of the World

Lately I've been thinking a lot about gender play. I've participated in my college's drag show a couple times and have played male roles in theater, and I've always had a blast doing so. Recently I've been getting the itch to grab some ace bandages and do it again.

I think part of it is because I'm apart from Master - in fact, I know it is. Master makes me feel very feminine; the heterosexuality of our relationship is undeniable, even though I'm not straight and we're far from a normal couple. I feel strange - uncomfortable - whenever I interact with Master while I'm in drag; kitten is not masculine, and it seems dishonest to act so around Master even in an non-sexual context. (Though, interestingly, the one time I've seen Master in drag (he was Nurse Joker for Halloween) I thought he looked absolutely incredible.)

But left to my own devices, I tend to be more androgynous. I've been mistaken for a man before (though that's rare), and - as mentioned above - I love cross-dressing in non-sexual contexts. I've also had male/masculine sexual fantasies before, too. They were mostly when I was first realizing my bisexual identity - I'd have fantasies of fucking my female crushes as a man - and once I became secure in my sexual identity they fell by the wayside.

So maybe this is an upside to Master being gone this next year - I can explore my masculine/androgynous side more easily. I'll be in the drag show again, of course, and maybe I'll look into performing drag after college too. When I told a friend of mine that I'd counter the girliness of my townhouse (it'll be all-women next year instead of the usual 50/50 split) by cross-dressing, I was only half-joking. Maybe I'll talk to Lupa about doing some gender-play with her.

We'll see how it goes.

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