Wednesday, May 25, 2011

How to be pro-choice when the choice isn't yours to make

Recently I had a conversation with Ume, and later with Master, about the roles, rights, responsibilities that each partner has when dealing with an unexpected pregnancy. They were really refreshing because, even though I disagreed with them on some things, we were always affectionate, respectful, and thoughtful to each other. That rarely happens when talking about anything even tangentially related to abortion.

Anyway, it got me thinking, and here's some things that I think all male-bodied folk can do to be supportive of their female-bodied partners:

  1. DO have a conversation about what to do in the event of unexpected pregnancy. Ideally, do this before an unexpected pregnancy actually happens. But, this is the real world, so that's not always going to happen.
  2. DO listen to everything your partner has to say. Sometimes it's simple as, "I'll get an abortion if I get pregnant." Sometimes it's, "I'll keep it if we've been living together for a year." Sometimes it's, "I don't know what I'd do."
  3. DO decide if your partner's plan is compatible with your plans, values, etc. If there is a fundamental disagreement, it is okay to end the relationship. This is a big issue, and you shouldn't force yourself or your partner to compromise; it's better for both of you to find other people you're more compatible with.
  4. DON'T give your opinion unless your partner asks. Like it or not, abortion and pregnancy can be a very stressful thing. If your partner doesn't identify as a woman, that can compound the issue, considering how tied up pregnancy is with the "ESSENCE OF WOMANHOOD" and all that bullshit. Some people want their partners' input; others do not. Respect what your partner prefers.
Yep, that's about it.

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