Thursday, October 8, 2009

"How lifestyle are you?"

The other day Ume sent me a link to a post on Reddit. I don't follow the site, but apparently they do this thing where someone posts "I am [brief, attention-grabbing description]. Ask me anything." And anyone curious can ask them a question about the OP's particular situation. The link he sent me was a woman in a "completely submissive" relationship with her fiancee, and he wanted to know my reaction to the questions and her answers.

My perception was that, for the most part, the questioners were genuinely curious and mostly respectful. There were a few smartass "I want me one of these," and "Make me a sammich," comments, and one or two "OMG ABUSIVE" remarks, but most of the people seemed to come from a position of just wanting to learn about a unique relationship style.

As for the OP, my reaction to her was similar to almost any other submissive woman's description of her relationship that I read; there were some parts that resonated deeply with me, and other parts that squicked me to no end. She spoke of how the strictness of their relationship had loosened over time, and I nodded; she said that her master would physically punish her when she misbehaved - not "punish" for fun, but truly punish her, and I almost threw the computer across the room in horror. But then she eloquently described how she'd do anything her master said, but she trusted him not to make her do anything ridiculous, and that trust was a huge part of the relationship, and I was all nods and appreciative noises again.

Lupa, who's rooming with me this year, saw the post as well, and brought it up while we were lounging in the living room. "So how lifestyle are you and [Master]?" she asked.

I pursed my lips, not sure how to answer the question. "Well... I don't wear this collar for fashion..."

"Yeah I know. I mean - does he make all the decisions for you? That kind of thing."

I shrugged. "Not... really. It's mostly that... sometimes I don't want to make a decision. And then I ask him to make it for me, and I trust him to make the best one."

Though Lupa was satisfied with the answer, I'm not sure if I accurately described our relationship. It's just so hard to feel like it's 24/7 when he's not here (or I'm not there). And most of the D/s in our relationship is just little things: I kneel beside him while he's at his computer and rest my head on his lap; I make the bed before we turn in; he gently grabs the scruff of my neck. Usually my deferral to him is so subconscious that I hardly even notice it; it's like second nature to me.

It might be time for Master and me to go over the "terms" of our D/s again, just to update anything that needs updating and to make sure we're still on the same page. Fortunately he's coming up to visit soon.

No comments: