I made a profile for OKCupid last weekend, at the prompting of Tapeti. She said it'd be a great way to find friends, and it seems she was right - I've already found some people to play DnD with, and someone else to play Go with. Woot!
It's really weird though - I mean, I didn't just make a profile to find friends. I also kinda want to find dates. I don't see Master or Tapeti nearly enough to satiate my desire for romancing, and since I'm already in a nonmonogamous relationship I might as well do something about it!
But I still feel almost guilty about it. I think it's because up until now, none of us has actively gone looking for dates on our own. (At least, not that I'm aware of.) So it feels like I'm crossing a new threshold, and I'm not sure I'm "allowed" to. Of course, I know that Master and Tapeti are okay with it, but I still can't shake that self-policing aspect of myself. I guess I haven't fully discarded that mono-normative socialization yet. Maybe this will help me.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
teh analz
Master and I have experimented with anal play in the past. It was easier when we lived on the same campus, since we saw each other all the time and could work on it regularly. But then he graduated, and both of us bounced around the country (or the world, in his case) for a while, which isn't conducive to a regimen of any kind - especially a sexual one.
But now we've both settled down, at least for the medium-term, and so it's time to start once again. It's a little bit trickier since we're still in separate cities (albeit only 3 hours apart), but it was an obstacle easily overcome with TECHNOLOGY! I.e. silicone.
I found an awesome feminist sex shop in town and went to them for guidance. It was there I learned that anal training isn't about "stretching" anything - it's not even about getting used to something of that size up your butt. Instead, the goal is simply to become more aware of your muscles and to learn how to consciously relax them. I was glad to learn this, since the Master's-penis-sized toys they had available were a lot scarier (and pricier) than the smaller ones. I ended up purchasing one that's somewhat larger than an average man's middle finger, and in a very pleasant purple that matches the very first dildo I ever bought.
I wasn't expecting to accommodate the entire toy on my first try, but I did it with much greater ease than I ever managed when Master played with my ass. I think it's a combination of being more relaxed on my own - no performance anxiety! - and I was already somewhat used to the sensations. When I was with Master this past weekend, however, I started tensing up again, and it wasn't as easy. I'm also not able to handle any in-and-out motion yet. But I'll keep working on it!
Anal wouldn't be nearly as pleasurable if I weren't a masochist, I think. That isn't to say it hurts - I'm so paranoid about damaging something sensitive and important that the slightest hint of pain signals game over for me. However, it definitely isn't pleasurable in the same way that vaginal sex is. It's intense. I kind of want to compare it to a deep-tissue massage. And as a masochist I think I tend to interpret more kinds of stimulation as "pleasurable" than the average Jane, and I'm more open to incorporating them in sexual contexts.
Nevertheless, I'm glad that Master doesn't fixate on anal as some sort of sexual "holy grail" in the way that some guys seem to. He describes it as "Dominant icing on the cake of sex," which I think is a great way of looking at it. It's a lovely treat, but it's not the be-all-end-all, which means he doesn't get frustrated when I can't take him in my ass - something that happens quite often, since I still need to work on getting over that performance anxiety.
He mentioned he might get me a butt plug with a kitty tail on it. That would be awesome. :3
But now we've both settled down, at least for the medium-term, and so it's time to start once again. It's a little bit trickier since we're still in separate cities (albeit only 3 hours apart), but it was an obstacle easily overcome with TECHNOLOGY! I.e. silicone.
I found an awesome feminist sex shop in town and went to them for guidance. It was there I learned that anal training isn't about "stretching" anything - it's not even about getting used to something of that size up your butt. Instead, the goal is simply to become more aware of your muscles and to learn how to consciously relax them. I was glad to learn this, since the Master's-penis-sized toys they had available were a lot scarier (and pricier) than the smaller ones. I ended up purchasing one that's somewhat larger than an average man's middle finger, and in a very pleasant purple that matches the very first dildo I ever bought.
I wasn't expecting to accommodate the entire toy on my first try, but I did it with much greater ease than I ever managed when Master played with my ass. I think it's a combination of being more relaxed on my own - no performance anxiety! - and I was already somewhat used to the sensations. When I was with Master this past weekend, however, I started tensing up again, and it wasn't as easy. I'm also not able to handle any in-and-out motion yet. But I'll keep working on it!
Anal wouldn't be nearly as pleasurable if I weren't a masochist, I think. That isn't to say it hurts - I'm so paranoid about damaging something sensitive and important that the slightest hint of pain signals game over for me. However, it definitely isn't pleasurable in the same way that vaginal sex is. It's intense. I kind of want to compare it to a deep-tissue massage. And as a masochist I think I tend to interpret more kinds of stimulation as "pleasurable" than the average Jane, and I'm more open to incorporating them in sexual contexts.
Nevertheless, I'm glad that Master doesn't fixate on anal as some sort of sexual "holy grail" in the way that some guys seem to. He describes it as "Dominant icing on the cake of sex," which I think is a great way of looking at it. It's a lovely treat, but it's not the be-all-end-all, which means he doesn't get frustrated when I can't take him in my ass - something that happens quite often, since I still need to work on getting over that performance anxiety.
He mentioned he might get me a butt plug with a kitty tail on it. That would be awesome. :3
Friday, December 3, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
I heart the internet. (All links NSFW)
I just started reading a webcomic called Menage a 3. I'm really enjoying it, especially the character Zee, as she is very much like I am/would like to be: unabashedly (bi)sexual, yaoi fangirl, enjoys porn of various types while still being critical of their shortcomings, and mistaken for a boy more often than she'd like. And she hates J-Pop. There are some bits that I didn't like, though. For example, taking naked pictures of someone without their knowledge is most definitely Not Cool. I'm still working through to the most recent strip, so we'll see how it turns out. Hilarious nerdy/sexy hijinks have abounded so far, though.
Secondly, Master is having me watch an instructional video about FMF threesomes by Nina Hartley. I'm recording my reactions to the video here as I watch it:
- When Nina says that porn is a reflection of people's actual fantasies, I think that's only partly true. I mean, obviously real people are making the porno, and they're probably basing it off their own fantasies (and the fantasies of people they know), but I'd argue that porno influences people's fantasies as much as the other way around. For example, there are positions that are used in porn because they allow good camera angles that are rather uncomfortable (or just meh) in terms of actual pleasure. I would also point to the prevalence of shaved pussies and money shots as trends that originated in porn and have since influenced real people's behavior.
- However, Nina is spot-on when she says that bringing a third person into the bedroom only to please your partner is a recipe for disaster, regardless of the genders involved. That's one of the reasons why we haven't had a MFM threesome yet; Master's straight (or at least he hasn't found a guy he'd like to have sex with yet), and so he wouldn't really enjoy having another guy there. And if he isn't enjoying himself, I'm not enjoying myself, so it would be bad news all around.
- Nina is also very insightful when she says that, in a perfect world, women wouldn't need the reassuring presence of a man to explore her same-sex attraction, but, because we live in the society that we do, a three-way is often the only way an otherwise-straight woman will be with a woman.
- Oh wow! She brought up the fact that female bisexuality is more prevalent/more accepted than male bisexuality because of the male gaze! And she advocates mutual enthusiastic consent! I like this lady!
- I feel kind of weird when she brings up that you should get to know the third partner before doing anything because Master and I kind of... didn't with Tapeti. We knew her for less than 24 hours before we had sex for the first time, and it's become a relationship that's lasted for over a year now. I suppose we're the exception to the rule.
- The demonstration with Nicole and Voodoo is very silly and goofy, like actual sex. You can tell they're not just following a script.
- Yay spanking! :D
- Master, Tapeti, and I tried the oral sex triangle (I don't know that position's "official" name), and it didn't really work out. Our proportions were too different for it to be comfortable. Though now that I'm watching them do it, maybe we should try again. With some better positioning maybe we'll be able to pull it off.
- Dammit, cameraman, I've seen heterosexual fellatio before! Zoom out so I can see what the third person is doing!
- I've seen other porn actors lightly tap the woman's pussy before, but I don't think I've ever had it done on me. I don't imagine it'd feel awesome, but I suppose I should give it a try first.
-I like that they ask/tell each other what they enjoy. Their conversation in general is really fun.
- OH GOD DON'T SLAP HIM THERE! (Though he apparently likes it, so... carry on, then.)
- Hahaha, I like how the guy randomly espouses the advantages of being uncut while he's got two ladies going down on him - and you'd never tell from his tone of voice, it's so calm and conversational.
- Hmm, one ball per lady while the guy jerks himself off. Might lead to some bumped noses, but it looks intriguing. I do greatly enjoy playing with balls.
- I'm also glad they don't completely edit out them putting on a condom and applying lube. Since porn is many people's first exposure to what sex is, it's good to establish that, yes, safety/comfort measures are a normal part of sex, too.
-The first position they fuck in is great for access to the lady's clit (by all parties) and good for voyeurism. However, I'll be the involved lady's legs would get tired really fast.
- God, I LOVE guiding Master's cock into Tapeti. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT.
- Oh man, spanking in time to fucking? GENIUS!
- Damn, Nina's in really good shape! I don't think I'd be able to hold that pose for as long as she does.
- Ah, the good ol' Napoleon's Hat. Always a good choice! Though I'm always afraid that my butthole will be all smelly when I'm the one receiving oral.
- Wow, Nicole gets a real rip-roaring orgasm when Nina uses the vibrator. I can sympathize - it's one of those "my clit is being so stimulated that I need to pull away/shield myself even though it's good stimulation" orgasms.
I stopped watching after the first demo - Master said the second one wasn't as good, and it's a looooong video. Overall, though, I was really pleased and impressed with it. It felt much more genuine than you usually find in porn; the fact that Nicole and Voodoo are actually wife and husband probably helped. They seemed pleasure-centered and spontaneous instead of scripted, and it was educational to boot. I'll have to look up more of Nina Hartley's work.
(PS, Is it bad if I automatically want to type "Nina Harker," as in the character from Dracula?)
Secondly, Master is having me watch an instructional video about FMF threesomes by Nina Hartley. I'm recording my reactions to the video here as I watch it:
- When Nina says that porn is a reflection of people's actual fantasies, I think that's only partly true. I mean, obviously real people are making the porno, and they're probably basing it off their own fantasies (and the fantasies of people they know), but I'd argue that porno influences people's fantasies as much as the other way around. For example, there are positions that are used in porn because they allow good camera angles that are rather uncomfortable (or just meh) in terms of actual pleasure. I would also point to the prevalence of shaved pussies and money shots as trends that originated in porn and have since influenced real people's behavior.
- However, Nina is spot-on when she says that bringing a third person into the bedroom only to please your partner is a recipe for disaster, regardless of the genders involved. That's one of the reasons why we haven't had a MFM threesome yet; Master's straight (or at least he hasn't found a guy he'd like to have sex with yet), and so he wouldn't really enjoy having another guy there. And if he isn't enjoying himself, I'm not enjoying myself, so it would be bad news all around.
- Nina is also very insightful when she says that, in a perfect world, women wouldn't need the reassuring presence of a man to explore her same-sex attraction, but, because we live in the society that we do, a three-way is often the only way an otherwise-straight woman will be with a woman.
- Oh wow! She brought up the fact that female bisexuality is more prevalent/more accepted than male bisexuality because of the male gaze! And she advocates mutual enthusiastic consent! I like this lady!
- I feel kind of weird when she brings up that you should get to know the third partner before doing anything because Master and I kind of... didn't with Tapeti. We knew her for less than 24 hours before we had sex for the first time, and it's become a relationship that's lasted for over a year now. I suppose we're the exception to the rule.
- The demonstration with Nicole and Voodoo is very silly and goofy, like actual sex. You can tell they're not just following a script.
- Yay spanking! :D
- Master, Tapeti, and I tried the oral sex triangle (I don't know that position's "official" name), and it didn't really work out. Our proportions were too different for it to be comfortable. Though now that I'm watching them do it, maybe we should try again. With some better positioning maybe we'll be able to pull it off.
- Dammit, cameraman, I've seen heterosexual fellatio before! Zoom out so I can see what the third person is doing!
- I've seen other porn actors lightly tap the woman's pussy before, but I don't think I've ever had it done on me. I don't imagine it'd feel awesome, but I suppose I should give it a try first.
-I like that they ask/tell each other what they enjoy. Their conversation in general is really fun.
- OH GOD DON'T SLAP HIM THERE! (Though he apparently likes it, so... carry on, then.)
- Hahaha, I like how the guy randomly espouses the advantages of being uncut while he's got two ladies going down on him - and you'd never tell from his tone of voice, it's so calm and conversational.
- Hmm, one ball per lady while the guy jerks himself off. Might lead to some bumped noses, but it looks intriguing. I do greatly enjoy playing with balls.
- I'm also glad they don't completely edit out them putting on a condom and applying lube. Since porn is many people's first exposure to what sex is, it's good to establish that, yes, safety/comfort measures are a normal part of sex, too.
-The first position they fuck in is great for access to the lady's clit (by all parties) and good for voyeurism. However, I'll be the involved lady's legs would get tired really fast.
- God, I LOVE guiding Master's cock into Tapeti. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT.
- Oh man, spanking in time to fucking? GENIUS!
- Damn, Nina's in really good shape! I don't think I'd be able to hold that pose for as long as she does.
- Ah, the good ol' Napoleon's Hat. Always a good choice! Though I'm always afraid that my butthole will be all smelly when I'm the one receiving oral.
- Wow, Nicole gets a real rip-roaring orgasm when Nina uses the vibrator. I can sympathize - it's one of those "my clit is being so stimulated that I need to pull away/shield myself even though it's good stimulation" orgasms.
I stopped watching after the first demo - Master said the second one wasn't as good, and it's a looooong video. Overall, though, I was really pleased and impressed with it. It felt much more genuine than you usually find in porn; the fact that Nicole and Voodoo are actually wife and husband probably helped. They seemed pleasure-centered and spontaneous instead of scripted, and it was educational to boot. I'll have to look up more of Nina Hartley's work.
(PS, Is it bad if I automatically want to type "Nina Harker," as in the character from Dracula?)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Hnngggg
I finally have internet in my apartment. Though I don't really have anything of note to update about because I'm living alone and haven't yet figured out where all the kinky people are living in my city. It is very sad. :(
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tip on the tightrope
I'm trying to determine how "out" I should be at my work. It is by all measures a very relaxed, casual, welcoming place - it feels more like another college than a corporation - but with the lack of ENDA I'm still nervous.
My bisexuality probably won't be an issue - there are some very out gays and lesbians on staff, and sexual orientation is explicitly written into the company's anti-discrimination policies - but my non-monogamy and my kinkiness might be. Those generally don't count as "sexual orientation" (something I don't mind too much, since I personally don't conceive my poly-ness or kinkiness as orientational, at least not in the same way as bisexuality), which means theoretically I could get fired for them and not have a case.
I've been testing the waters, so to speak. I casually mentioned "my girlfriend" in a conversation with fellow new hires who I'm pretty sure had already heard me talk about "my boyfriend." They didn't seem to notice. Today I wore one of my "casual" collars to work; we have no dress code to speak of, except when we're meeting with customers, and I've felt out the general atmosphere enough that I think that I'll be okay as long as I'm not wearing anything with leather and/or spikes. Low key all the way. Even though I hate being in the closet, I hate being unemployed even more.
My bisexuality probably won't be an issue - there are some very out gays and lesbians on staff, and sexual orientation is explicitly written into the company's anti-discrimination policies - but my non-monogamy and my kinkiness might be. Those generally don't count as "sexual orientation" (something I don't mind too much, since I personally don't conceive my poly-ness or kinkiness as orientational, at least not in the same way as bisexuality), which means theoretically I could get fired for them and not have a case.
I've been testing the waters, so to speak. I casually mentioned "my girlfriend" in a conversation with fellow new hires who I'm pretty sure had already heard me talk about "my boyfriend." They didn't seem to notice. Today I wore one of my "casual" collars to work; we have no dress code to speak of, except when we're meeting with customers, and I've felt out the general atmosphere enough that I think that I'll be okay as long as I'm not wearing anything with leather and/or spikes. Low key all the way. Even though I hate being in the closet, I hate being unemployed even more.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Off the grid
I just got a new job, which necessitated moving to a new home in a new city in a new state. Hence the scarcity of my posts recently.
Also, I don't have internet in my apartment yet. And for obvious reasons I'm loath to post from my office computer. Right now I'm at the local pub.
In any case, I haven't even had the time yet to get to know my new city's kink scene. I know for a fact it exists - I just need to find it. But I've been too busy with moving, then with my new job, and now I've got all sorts of issues that still need sorting out.
I did go to a newbie munch in Master's hometown last weekend, which was nice. The crowd was much older than I'm used to, though. Hopefully there's an under-35 or somesuch group in my town. No offense to older kinksters - I just tend to be more comfortable and have more in common with young'ns like me.
Lately it seems I've been hearing more and more public derision and condemnation and plain ol' bigotry against kink and poly folk. Not just in conversations around me, either - I'm talking on TV, on the radio, in print. A recent example would be a DJ, when talking about rumors that some celebrity couple or another has an open marriage, saying, "That's not marriage; that's gross." It hurts every time. It's not like when I hear homophobic bullshit; then I just roll my eyes and write the spewer off as an ass, and I know that the majority of America would agree with me - they're just a lot quieter than the very loud, very bigoted minority. But I don't know that about kink and poly. So I still feel very small and alone and unwanted when it comes to that.
Also, I don't have internet in my apartment yet. And for obvious reasons I'm loath to post from my office computer. Right now I'm at the local pub.
In any case, I haven't even had the time yet to get to know my new city's kink scene. I know for a fact it exists - I just need to find it. But I've been too busy with moving, then with my new job, and now I've got all sorts of issues that still need sorting out.
I did go to a newbie munch in Master's hometown last weekend, which was nice. The crowd was much older than I'm used to, though. Hopefully there's an under-35 or somesuch group in my town. No offense to older kinksters - I just tend to be more comfortable and have more in common with young'ns like me.
Lately it seems I've been hearing more and more public derision and condemnation and plain ol' bigotry against kink and poly folk. Not just in conversations around me, either - I'm talking on TV, on the radio, in print. A recent example would be a DJ, when talking about rumors that some celebrity couple or another has an open marriage, saying, "That's not marriage; that's gross." It hurts every time. It's not like when I hear homophobic bullshit; then I just roll my eyes and write the spewer off as an ass, and I know that the majority of America would agree with me - they're just a lot quieter than the very loud, very bigoted minority. But I don't know that about kink and poly. So I still feel very small and alone and unwanted when it comes to that.
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